(Ass)Crack A Bottle

Eminem has some kind of a sense of humour.  He does.  But I’m not sure it stretches to having a man’s meat and two veg in his face on national tv.  Or maybe it does.  The man never smiles anyway, so it can be hard to tell.

Anyway the video above shows what happened to Em at the MTV Movie Awards, and whilst he doesn’t look overly impressed in this clip, rumours are emerging that this HAS to have been pre-planned cos there’s no way they could’ve done this to him without him knowing.  So his reaction of disgust is down to his acting skills? Hmmmm.

Even better is the rumour that they apparantly wanted to have it happen to Paris Hilton but she said no.  I guess Doug’s are enough for her.  Paris is of the opinion that Em was genuinely shocked, and she seems to have some inside info:

“I don’t think he [Eminem] knew, because I talked to someone who was running the show before and he said a big surprise was gonna happen and the person didn’t know it was gonna happen,”

She goes on to say that the whole thing was “very odd“.  Well I hope so, otherwise it was an insight into Eminem’s life that I don’t think anyone was ready for.

June 2, 2009. Tags: , , , , , , , , , , . funny, hollywood gossip, hot hotness, movies, music, oh sweet jesus, random, tv. Leave a comment.

Oh. Dear. God.

grimnessI swear to god this photo just almost made me lose my breakfast.  Paris Hilton is a menace!  She looks like she’s about to lick his entire face.  It’s like a kiss from Date Movie, I mean that shit is embarrassing.  I may never kiss another living soul again because that image there is burned onto my retinas for life.  But maybe Doug is into the kiss of an overenthusiastic Golden Retriever? Not judging by this pic:

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He has the body language of soemone standing at the top of stairs about to fall off, trying to direct his lower body backwards knowing that it’s pointless cos his ass is falling all the way down. Down her oesophagus by the looks of it. And she is not letting his ass go either *note the “tender” hands-clamped-around-face gesture.  Doug seems to mention the uncoolness of her assault on his face and attempt to start what may never have been started before in the history of their relationship – a conversation, but she’s not bothered:

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She’s ready for Round 2.  You gotta feel for that guy in the foreground of the photo who has obviously witnessed it all first hand. He has that dead look in his eyes of a man who has been broken by what he has seen.

May 22, 2009. Tags: , , , , . douch alert, hollywood gossip, hot hotness, movies, music, oh sweet jesus, random, the hills, tv. 2 comments.

Paris Hilton; Agony Aunt

141439_paris-hilton-001_jpg5051ad08145f120e4e77da3a3ddb0f41While in Cannes this week promoting her new film, someone from ITN got a few seconds alone with Paris’ attention and asked her how she felt about the whole Jordan/Peter Andre break-up. Why anyone would think that Paris would know anything about Jordan or Peter Andre is beyond me, but in this case, their instincts turned up a winner, as Paris was able to respond… in a typically Paris-ian way.

Interviewer: Paris, any thoughts on the Jordan and Peter break up?

Paris: I’m not sad. I don’t know him. I know her, she’s cute so hopefully she’ll like being single.

Interviewer: Do you think she’ll cope during the break up?

Paris: Yeah! She can rock it!

Hmmm. I have the very strong impression that she has no idea what the interviewer was asking her. But then she was probably preoccupied with the critical reaction to her movie. And, unlike her previous movie “efforts” like House Of Wax or The Hottie & The Nottie, this is a serious film. A documentary no less. But, exactly like her previous movie “efforts”, it’s all about her. The film is called Paris, Not France and is all about the difficulties of being an attractive mid-twenties heir to billions, and is filled with honest truths like “People see me as a Barbie with a perfect life, a fantasy… maybe that’s what they like” and “There’s a mystery about me because how I am in public is completely different to how I am in private.”

Not so sure about that, Par. Most people like to have sex in private, whereas your sex can be accessed to be anyone with a wi-fi connection. But that infamous moment in her life is dealt with to: “It’s the most intimate thing you can do and the whole f***ing world is watching it and laughing at you. That’s not what I wanted when I was a little girl. It’s not what I planned. I always looked up to people like Princess Diana and now I can never be like that.” Yeah, because everyone was really getting a sense of Diana deja-vu from you with the half-naked red carpet appearances, dodgy r’n’b albums, crappy reality tv shows, DUI charges and stints behind bars. It was only when the sex-tape was leaked that we realised there were some differences in you two after all.

May 18, 2009. Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , . douch alert, funny, hollywood gossip, movies, music, oh sweet jesus, random, tv. Leave a comment.

Paris Has A Brother?!

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Why didn’t anyone tell me that that there was more Hiltons in the world? And here’s my thinking that Paris and Nicky were enough, I had no idea they had a brother! And his name is Barron, no less! How awesome is that? Well, Barron (I’m sorry, really? Barron?) recently gave an interview to The New York Post and by golly is he ever sick of being referred to as a Hilton:

“I’m sick of all the Hilton stuff, where all anyone cared about was whether I was doing coke in the bathroom or how many [bleeps] I was sleeping with. I’m done with partying and traveling. It’s time to get this [bleep] started.”

Firstly, does anyone have any idea what he might’ve said to cause the first bleep? Bitches? Hoes? Something much, much worse that rhymes with Runts? Maybe if he doesn’t want to get a bad name for himself, he shouldn’t be giving interviews to national papers and require so many bleeps. Just a thought. But he has a different plan to get proper recognition for himself.

“It’s gonna be like The Hills (did he just say the hills ins’t real?! – ed) but real. A lot of that stuff is pre-setup or re-setup. This is gonna show the meetings, the production side, the recording side . . . I just want people to say, ‘Wow, this song really moved me, or made me cry.”

The songs he’s referring to are the one’s he’s recoring at his New York penthouse apartment, songs that as of yet are to get any music labels drooling to sign him. So, in summation, Barron Hilton wants to distance himself from the preconceptions of the Hilton name by giving sweary interviews, doing a reality t.v. show, and getting a music career. These are all great ideas, non? What else should he do? Maybe get involved in some DUI’s? Oops, too late.

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Thats his mugshot after being arrested for DUI and running over some poor gas station attendant. So far, so good, Barron.

April 4, 2009. Tags: , , , , , , , , . douch alert, funny, hollywood gossip, music, the hills, tv. Leave a comment.

The Recession Hasn’t Hit Everyone

paris-hilton-pink-bently-002Appearantly not content with roaming the Hills in her “fabulous” pink Bentley in search of new BFF’s and night-vision co-stars to feed upon, Miss Hilton has decided to vamp up her neon nightmare even more.

The hotel heiress, 27, will have a $283,000 diamond encrusted dashboard flown out from the Bentley firm’s British HQ in Crewe to be fitted to her $200,000 Continental GT in Los Angeles.  But she may have to wait — the Cheshire plant is halting production until early May due to the economic downturn.

So….. The dashboard is actually going to cost more than the car? I know that cars immeadietly lose 10% of their value the second you drive the car out of the showroom, but this is taking it a bit far, non? Also, hasn’t Paris been involved in some car crashes before? (not including her car crash-esque t.v. shows! Zing!) Should she really be re-inforcing the one part of the car that she might end up smashing into? What’s next, teflon and gold fiber air-bags? That’s hot.

March 7, 2009. Tags: , , , , , , , . funny, hollywood gossip, oh sweet jesus, random. Leave a comment.

Yellow Submarine? That’s Hot.

paris_hilton017To be fair, she has calmed down in recent years, but Paris is still Paris, and there’s some things we will accept from her, and some things we won’t. Walking right up to Sir Paul McCartney and asking him to write and record a duet with her is probably firmly in the latter catagory. Reports for The Sun at this years Grammy’s as follows:

She sidled up at the Recording Academy bash in LA and drawled in her Californian accent: “I’d love to do a duet with you.” Ramming the point home she explained to the legend: “I’m a singer too and have had an album out.” Thankfully, Macca politely declined, saying he didn’t think his schedule could fit in such a request. One embarrassed onlooker told me: “Sir Paul was minding his own business when Paris traipsed right up to him and introduced herself. He looked bemused, smiled and nodded — then stumbled out that he’d have to check his schedule.”

I know its trash, but I love love love the way The Sun reports this particular news nugget. There is so much hatred for the heiress that its almost as if she asked Sir Paul to replace Rick Salomon in her next home made movie. But then again, there probably is just cause for the dislike. For while Paris’ solo album wasn’t the absolute train-wreck it should have been, she is also responsible for this:

February 10, 2009. Tags: , , , , , . funny, hollywood gossip, music, oh sweet jesus, random. Leave a comment.

Paris Plays at Sundance

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Paris Hilton is one fickle shady lady. Despite swearing that she has only slept with two people (which I can only assume means she has literally slept with two people, she normally sleeps alone after mating) the girl sure can whore herself (for her own amusement) around the place in front of the world’s cameras.  She got some good practice in during the Sundance festival lately with both sexes. First off she was seen attached to the face of 43 year old Myspace inventor Chris DeWolfe.

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Not to discriminate against toying with the ladies as well, Paris played with BFF Brittany Flickinger (pictured with her above) and not so surprising new lady squeeze Aubrey O’Day.  Apparantly she played the two scantily clad hoe-bags against each other, meeting up with each behind the other’s backs. The final straw for Brittany was when she happened upon “That’s Hot” and “Too Hot To Wear Anything” in a nightclub at 2am after they apparantly ditched her, and finally let go of any shred of dignity she might have had by apparantly shouting “Paris stop leaving me!!” at her supposed BFF. First of all if she was still out at 2am I’m guessing she had someone with her or maybe she was alone in which case I think Paris has herself a nice little stalker. Second of all, showing yourself to be a true blue desperado in public especially when it’s the loss of Paris Hilton’s company that’s making you this way is NOT a good move.

January 21, 2009. Tags: , , , , , . funny, hollywood gossip, oh sweet jesus, random. Leave a comment.