Poster Talk; Sherlock Holmes
I may have bypassed something in the history books, or maybe not the history books, maybe just really old fiction books, or the episodes of Star Trek The Next Generation when the holodeck got all malfunction-y, but Senor Holmes is meant to be the good guy, right? I mean, I know he was supposedly off his face on opium and may or may not have been bumming Watson, but he was still the hero? Or have I missed something?
I mean, I’m pretty sure Sherlock Holmes wasn’t, in fact, Jack The Ripper. Unless Guy Richie’s version has added a new twist to it? Out goes the gay drug orgies, in comes a Tyler Durden-esque homicidal alter-ego. I like it. But someone should tell him that the cinemas are closed on Christmas Day.
Sweet revenge
Best way to get revenge on your cunt face ex-partner who’s obsessed with youth and their body? Date someone called “The Body”.
Brilliant. I am WILLING this rumour to be true. It couldn’t be more perfect if we tried. Go Guy Ritchie!!
When Old Folks Homes Go Bad
This just in: an old folk’s home in the Hollywood Hills is currently under investigation for taking pictures of their clients in scantily clad get up in order to whore them out to the poor and the aimless in the need of a good shag.
Actually, no. Its just Madonna, doing a photo shoot for Louis Vuitton, but it is also appearantly a re-plug for her unfavourable latest album, Hard Candy. Only Madonna could get an entire album produced by Timbaland and The Neptunes and still have it crash and burn. Well, Madonna….. And Ashlee Simpson. But that’s not Ashlee’s fault, everyone already hated her by that point. But still, we’re getting off topic here. Further evidence, if there was any more needed, that Madonna is a one woman gag reflex tester:
And here she is with current toy boy, Jesus Luz:
And come on guys, you can’t really blame him. All he has to do is put in a year or two, help her go child shopping once or twice during that time, and hey presto!, he’s $50 million the richer! But come on Madonna, the guy looks around 17 years old! You’re really starting to creep us all out in a disturbingly large number of ways now.
Picture right: before Madonna. (look how happy!)
Picture left: the moment his agent told him who his next photo shoot is with.
Sherlock Holme-Oh!-Erotique!
This was the Sherlock Holmes of old:
Note the magnifying glass, pipe and Ron Jeremy moustache. Well, note them, and bid farwell.
For this is the Sherlock Holmes we’ll be getting:
It would appear that Guy Richie’s receipt of $76 million out of court settlement from Madonna has been put to good use, getting gyms and what not on his movie sets has certainly worked out for Rob Downey. But it hasn’t bought him much of a stretch in terms of imagination or storytelling, as anyone who’s seen Snatch can attest to:
But maybe he will bring the odd Holmes/Watson homoerotic relationship to the fore. I can almost imagine what sweet nothings he’s whispering into a dirty-sanchezed Jude Law’s ear here:
“You wanna do it on a tombstone? Oh, Miss Watson, you naaasty.”
We Do Funny 