(Ass)Crack A Bottle

Eminem has some kind of a sense of humour.  He does.  But I’m not sure it stretches to having a man’s meat and two veg in his face on national tv.  Or maybe it does.  The man never smiles anyway, so it can be hard to tell.

Anyway the video above shows what happened to Em at the MTV Movie Awards, and whilst he doesn’t look overly impressed in this clip, rumours are emerging that this HAS to have been pre-planned cos there’s no way they could’ve done this to him without him knowing.  So his reaction of disgust is down to his acting skills? Hmmmm.

Even better is the rumour that they apparantly wanted to have it happen to Paris Hilton but she said no.  I guess Doug’s are enough for her.  Paris is of the opinion that Em was genuinely shocked, and she seems to have some inside info:

“I don’t think he [Eminem] knew, because I talked to someone who was running the show before and he said a big surprise was gonna happen and the person didn’t know it was gonna happen,”

She goes on to say that the whole thing was “very odd“.  Well I hope so, otherwise it was an insight into Eminem’s life that I don’t think anyone was ready for.

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June 2, 2009. Tags: , , , , , , , , , , . funny, hollywood gossip, hot hotness, movies, music, oh sweet jesus, random, tv. Leave a comment.

Megan Fox. Alfred Kinsey. Seperated At Birth?

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Is this the only time we’d ever imagine Megan to be in a library? Yes. Except maybe that one time in college when she hooked up with a nerd to pass some super important exam. Anyways, Megan has decided to leave the world of movies to devote her life to sexual psychology. Is there anyone who may be more qualified for the position? No, I can’t think of anyone else. Anwyays, here’s her opening statement:

“I think people are born bisexual and they make subconscious choices based on the pressures of society. I have no question in my mind about being bisexual. But I’m also a hypocrite. I would never date a girl who was bisexual, because that means they also sleep with men, and men are so dirty that I’d never want to sleep with a girl who had slept with a man.”

If this were any other woman, I’d be all like “Shut up! You shut your damn mouth you prick-teasing bitch!”, but since it’s Megan, and she had more to say, I’ll let it slide.

“I just think that all humans are born with the ability to be attracted to both sexes. I mean, I could see myself in a relationship with a girl — Olivia Wilde (the hot bisexual chick in House, fyi) is so sexy she makes me want to strangle a mountain ox with my bare hands. She’s mesmerising. And lately I’ve been obsessed with Jenna Jameson, but… oh boy.”

At least her taste in women is better than her taste in men. I mean, seriously now, Brian Austin Green? How clean can he really be?

May 14, 2009. Tags: , , , , , , , , . funny, hollywood gossip, hot hotness, movies, oh sweet jesus, random. Leave a comment.

Would You Hit That No. 897

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I’ve never really gotten the whole Robert Downey Junior thing if I’m entirely honest and have had to endure years of looks of genuine upset from most of the people I said this to.  Truth be told I like my men a bit more, well manly, and ya know, NOT IN FOCKING HIGH HEELS!!

This photo was taken on the set of Iron Man 2 and I can honestly say I doubt that the entire shoe collections of Tom Cruise and Michael Flatley combined would produce such a shoe.  And what’s with the fruity walk that can be described as nothing else except a sashay.  That, to me, is not the walk of an Iron Man.

April 8, 2009. Tags: , , , , , . funny, hollywood gossip, hot hotness, movies, oh sweet jesus, random, tv. Leave a comment.

Who else saw this coming, part 579

Now we, like a lot of people, see a lot of things coming and when the celeb in question “reveals” something which we already surmised it can get a bit, well, tedious.  I’m afraid this posts falls into that category people!

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Kylie Minogue has FINALLY revealed that she’s had work done of the surgical variety! In an recent interview with Elle  magazine, Kylie says “Everyone individually can do what they want. I also think it doesn’t have the stigma that it had when I was growing up. For all time women have wanted to, for the most part, look their best. It’s just that what we have available to us today is… what it is today. And if you want to take advantage of it, yeah. I’m preferring to be a lot more… natural these days. I’ve tried Botox, I’ve tried all…”

What?  Tried all what? Hello? HELLOOO?!!  I think we can assume that it’s not just the Botox that has maintained Kylie’s cryogenically frozen face and ass, she almost admitted it herself!  And she is starting to look like her sister Dannii again, always a bad sign.

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Obviously Kylie’s abrupt end of that particular conversation was caused by her agent’s microchip which probably went into overdrive and sent volts of electricity through her body, snapping her back into generic interview mode.  Boring!!

April 1, 2009. Tags: , , , , , . music, oh sweet jesus, random, tv. Leave a comment.

What’s Wrong With This Picture?

tudors-season-3-1Are you seeing what I’m seeing? This is too much, right? I mean, I know that in order to grab an audience’s attention, you have to aim for the lowest common denominator, but does that really mean that they can’t put a small “th” after the 8? Would that really have screwed up the semantics of the poster so bad? As it is, it sounds like King Henry has seven sequels to his own life. Awful.

What? The naked men? Yeah, that’s pretty gay. No, I didn’t know King Henry liked it in the Royal Heiny-Ass either, but King Henry isn’t playing King Henry. Jonathan Rhys Meyers is playing King Henry. You see now? You understand now?

March 21, 2009. Tags: , , , , , , , . douch alert, funny, oh sweet jesus, tv. Leave a comment.

PASS THE SOAP?!!!!

leave_the_soapKanye may want to rethink this particular pose if he ends up going to the big house after his assault charges for vandalism, battery and grand theft were announced this week as a result of him and his posse member’s assault on a pap at LA international airport last September.  The arraignment is scheduled for April and if all goes well Kanye could see himself spending up to two and a half years in jail.  Something tells me he’ll be regretting photos like this if that happens:

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Unless of course he gives in to the homo inside him, changes his name to Kanyeesha, grows his hair, plucks his eyebrows beyond recognition and finds a “friend” called Winston from Atlanta. In which case he probably won’t want to leave.

March 19, 2009. Tags: , , , , . douch alert, funny, music, oh sweet jesus, random. 1 comment.

Lonely Gay Cupid Seeks Similar

lance-bassAwh, the poor thing! Lance has had his dream of going into space taken away from him, as well as the paddling pool of random scoring that was NSYNC, has been the butt (tee hee) of gay jokes in movies like I Know Pronounce You Chuck And Larry, Cursed and Tropic Thunder, and not it seems he just can’t land himself a man.

“I’m never really good with matching myself, but I’m dead-on with matching my friends. I think everyone dreams of that nice romantic wedding. And I love kids. I want to adopt and I want to have my own.”

Ain’t that always the way? Always the bridesmaid, never the bride, eh Lancey? But while he seems incapable of setting himself up, he does seem unnaturally talented at setting up his mates.

“I’m always trying to play matchmaker. I never really plan anything. It’s just one of those spur-of-the-moment things, like, Oh, I think they would be good for each other. I never like to force anything.”

Aside from that oxymoronical statement (how can you always try to be matchmaker but don’t plan it?), his latest attempts at hooking random folk from his life together include the now happy couple of Cheryl Burke, his Dancing With The Stars pal, who looks like this:

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She’s pretty cute, right? A little firecracker. But I don’t know who she is, so whats she doing on Dancing With The Stars?, I asked. Then I found out she wasn’t the star, she was the dancer with the star, and she was dancing with “star” Maurice Green. I didn’t know who that was either, so I just stopped asking questions. Well, Lance set her up with this guy:

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That’s Maxwell Zagorski, and he is an Abercrombie & Fitch model. I am a heterosexual male, and I would happily go out with this guy. The real question here is, Lance, with all your moneys, why not just pay him to go out with you? You fool!

March 11, 2009. Tags: , , , , , , , , , , . funny, hollywood gossip, hot hotness, oh sweet jesus, random, tv. 2 comments.

NEW DOPE ACCESSORY Y’ALL!!!

amber_rose_kanyeI’d imagine that Kanye does everything with the CAPS key permanently on and since he’s a 24/7 blogger/fashion seeker he probably doesn’t get time to underscore poor old Amber Rose. Not that he wants to anyway cos he’s too busy associating with gay people and then blogging about how cool and special that makes him.  He has no love left for anyone but himself! Poor Amber Rose.

I’m sure a lot of her time will be spent on the phone asking “where are you yeezy?!” 

*Bleurgh*

February 24, 2009. Tags: , , , , , . douch alert, hollywood gossip, music. Leave a comment.

Kanye; West Of Modest

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Have you heard of this Kanye West fella? Appearantly he used to be a rapper and now he wants to be a fashion designer? You haven’t heard of him? Well, its not through his lack of trying. He’s set to appear on yet another magazine cover, and while being interviewed by Details, he managed to drop another few classic Kanye-isms:

“Put this in the magazine: There’s nothing more to be said about music. I’m the f–king end-all, be-all of music…… Oh my God, I’m one of the greatest rappers in the world. I’ll get on a track and completely EE-nihilate that track, I’ll eat it and rip it in half. I wouldn’t have to THINK of it…… I have, like, nuclear power, like a superhero, like Cyclops when he puts his glasses on.”

But what, praytell Sir West, is the origin of all these supposed super-powers, not to mention other-worldly levels of modesty? Dedication to the craft? Perfectionism? Love of your job and all those you work with??

“People ask me a lot about my drive. I think it comes from, like, having a sexual addiction at a really young age. Look at the drive that people have to get sex—to dress like this and get a haircut and be in the club in the freezing cold at 3 a.m., the places they go to pick up a girl. If you can focus the energy into something valuable, put that into work ethic…”

Couldn’t help but notice the way he worded that. “The places they go to pick up a girl.” Not me, they. But this oddness does not cease to be. No, no. Knowing Kanye (which you probably don’t, he’s very under the radar, very quiet, our Kanye), he has much more to say. And indeed he does:

My game was very sexual. The main character was, like, a giant penis. It was like Mario Brothers, but the ghosts were, like, vaginas. Mind you, I’m 12 years old, and this is stuff 30-year-olds are programming. You’d have to draw in and program every little step—it literally took me all night to do a step, ’cause the penis, y’know, had little feet and eyes.”

This game, which Kanye called Super Mario Bros.: The Penis Remix (I honest to God wish I were making this up), was just Kanye stating that he was also super awesome at making advanced computer games, that he is super awesome at whatever he puts his mind to. But all I can focus is on is that the point of Super Mario was to make sure the plumber avoided the ghosts, so in Kanye’s game, the penises (penii?) have to avoid the vaginas. Its all in the details, you see.

And just to end the interview, Kanye mentioned that he’s giving up music (and penis video games? woe) and moving to Gay Paris to make super awesome clothes with Marc Jacobs. And just to prove this? He “accidentally” left MJ’s number on the table when the interview was over. Oh, Kanye. No.

February 17, 2009. Tags: , , , , , , , . douch alert, funny, hollywood gossip, music, oh sweet jesus. Leave a comment.

Things Its Okay To Like Again #471

Something I can’t fully explain: When I heard about Boy George going to jail for chaining up a male prostitute to a radiator and beating him with whips, my initial reaction was “Well, thats the end of The Pet Shop Boys comeback.” Anyways, here’s the first single, Love Etc., from their comeback ablum, Yes:

Technically, I shouldn’t say comeback, since they only had an album out in 2006, and they’ve also been writing songs for other artists, including Robbie Williams (She’s Madonna) and Girls Aloud (The Loving Kind). But this new song, and some of the new album, has been co-produced by Xenomania, who are very good music producers, having got their mits on everyone from Cher (decoder voice originator Believe), to Alesha Dixon (The Boy Does Nothing) and Girls Aloud (pretty much every single they’ve ever had).

So does this one song make it okay to like fall in love with PSB’s again? Well, no. But its definitely a step in the right direction.

February 17, 2009. Tags: , , , , , , . music. Leave a comment.

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