Mariah Admits To Imperfection

6a00d83451b46869e200e54f5064888834-640wiBut also makes hints that she may, in fact, be heavenly also. Even though it feels like only yesterday when Mariah dropped E=MC2 on us all, its actually been over a year. A whole year of disappointingly underachieving singles, not-enough-news-coverage shock weddings and entire Eminem hate songs. Whats a girl to do to get more press? Well, whip out some more songs, of course. The-Dream, who wrote/produced Touch My Body for Carey, had this to say about her upcoming album:

I think it’s about just writing an album that includes the focus of all the hits that she’s had. She can’t take a loss; she has to do everything to the T. So it’s basically like we’re trying to make a greatest hits album without using the greatest hits.

Interesting. So what you’re saying is, she wants an album full of hit singles. What an original take of musical output. Obviously they’re both geniuses. But along with The-Dream, Mariah has worked with Tricky Stewart (Umbrella, Single Ladies), Jermaine Dupri (who already gave Mariah the singles It’s Like That and Don’t Forget About Us), Brian Michael Cox (who already gave Mariah We Belong Together and Get Your Number) and Timbaland. She’s also doing a cover of Foreigner’s “I Want To Know What Love Is.” So, she’s working with the biggest hit producers of today, and the producers who’ve given her the biggest hits to date, not to mention covering one of the biggest power ballads of all time. I tell you, Mariah is the Stephen Hawkins of R’n’B. And then you find out what she’s calling her new album.

Memoirs Of An Imperfect Angel. Ugh.

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May 22, 2009. Tags: , , , , , , , , , . douch alert, funny, hollywood gossip, music. Leave a comment.

The only thing it doesn’t tell you…

Vancouver

Is if it’s a boy or a girl.  Seriously.  This thing looks like a pregnancy spliff test.  And yet it is the design of choice for the Vancouver 2010 Olympics. 

Actually people really have latched onto the idea that it looks like it’s full of the happy feelings and have renamed it The Olympic Toke.  Vancouver seems to be friendly toward mary-jane as it is and so the symbol is very appropriate according to Jodie Emery of Cannibas Culture magazine:

“A lot of people come to Vancouver because it’s marijuana-friendly, so I think people who already enjoy a joint themselves will feel a little more kinship to the Olympics,” said Emery, who ran as a Green party candidate in the provincial election this month.”

Indeed.  Of course the people who actually came up with the design itself have a different take on the image.  And to be fair the words of this woman, Ms. Suzanna Reeves Director of Communications for the committee are truly hilarious:

“…people’s faces light up when they get the chance to hold it.  At Nathan Phillips Square a couple of weeks ago, Reeves said she had the torch in a bag when a cyclist went by and did a double-take when he saw what she had. Reeves said what she sees when she looks at the torch is the edge of snow and an unfurling flag. “It’s quite magical. Most people’s reactions are emotional,” she said.”

Does anyone else think that reading her words could be even more hella funny after a couple of goes of The Olympic Toke?

May 22, 2009. Tags: , , , , , . funny, hot hotness, oh sweet jesus, random, tv. Leave a comment.

Oh. Dear. God.

grimnessI swear to god this photo just almost made me lose my breakfast.  Paris Hilton is a menace!  She looks like she’s about to lick his entire face.  It’s like a kiss from Date Movie, I mean that shit is embarrassing.  I may never kiss another living soul again because that image there is burned onto my retinas for life.  But maybe Doug is into the kiss of an overenthusiastic Golden Retriever? Not judging by this pic:

panic

He has the body language of soemone standing at the top of stairs about to fall off, trying to direct his lower body backwards knowing that it’s pointless cos his ass is falling all the way down. Down her oesophagus by the looks of it. And she is not letting his ass go either *note the “tender” hands-clamped-around-face gesture.  Doug seems to mention the uncoolness of her assault on his face and attempt to start what may never have been started before in the history of their relationship – a conversation, but she’s not bothered:

round_2

She’s ready for Round 2.  You gotta feel for that guy in the foreground of the photo who has obviously witnessed it all first hand. He has that dead look in his eyes of a man who has been broken by what he has seen.

May 22, 2009. Tags: , , , , . douch alert, hollywood gossip, hot hotness, movies, music, oh sweet jesus, random, the hills, tv. 2 comments.

Review; “Terminator Salvation”

terminator_salvation_posterSo, 25 years after the original, but set 9 years from now, it’s finally here, the film that everyone was looking forward to, but expecting to be kinda pants. Pre-word was the defintion of mixed bag; Christian Bale? Hoorah! McG? Boooo! From the writer of The Dark Knight? Hoorah! But also from the writer of Catwoman? Boooo! And on and on and on…… But now it’s finally here, is it any good? Yes. And no. This will be the Marmite Film Of The Year, there will be no middle ground.

Perhaps the reason for this is because it doesn’t really feel like a Terminator film in any real way. Yes, the robots are the same and John Connor is running about the place, but this doesn’t feel like the flash-forwards from the first three movies. Back then, the year 2018 seemed to be constantly set at night, with both humans and robots are constant war with each other, with lasers and the like lighting up the perma-dark sky. But now, 2018 is set mostly during the day (as the robots have infra-red night-vision, just one of the many off the cuff remarks that will lead to many a fan-boy screaming at the screen), there are no lasers to speak of as everything seems to have weird retro-steam-punk feel to it, and there is no war. Well, there is a war, but not one we see on screen. More often that not, we only ever see one robot on screen at any one time, not the masses of machinery that James Cameron had envision decades ago.

The movie doesn’t feel like a Terminator movie, it feels like a post-apocalyptic zombie movie, except they have guns and the ability to use them properly. And for a movie that involves time-travelling robots, everyone in it is acting like they’re in Apocalypse Now 2; Nuclear Bugaloo. Christian Bale brings the same deep throat gravel acting that he had in the Batman movies, with the weight of the world on his shoulders, whether the world believes him or not. Bryce Dallas Howard shows up to do nothing more than be pregnant (which isn’t mentioned once!), Moon Bloodgood is hot and spunky but is essentially little more than a walking Deus Ex Machina, and Helena Bonham Carter jarrs the audience with her tops-and-tails appearances in the movie, but thats all I’m gonna say about that. Michael Ironside and Common are both there to remind us that The Robots Are Bad, in case anyone needed reminding .On the plus side is Sam Worthington and Anton Yelchin, as Marcus Wright and Kyle Reece respectively, and both bring enough charisma and gravitas to their roles to make them work exceptionally well.

But they’re all pretty much background dressing to what people really came here to see; Explosions and Robots and Exploding Robots, and director McG does a fine job at handling the action portion of the movie. When the movie does stop trying to exposition itself to death, the pulse does quicken and you do find yourself sliding ever so slightly towards the edge of the seat. There are even some cool Children Of Men-esque one shot scenes which looked very difficult to do, including one near the start of the film with Bale trying to safely land a helicopter. Upside down. But another problem arises, in that the film’s best and most exciting action sequence arrives around the 45 minute mark, at which point there’s nothing left to do but slowly let the next hour never reach that pinnacle of excitement again.

There are a few great things that happen that I won’t ruin for you here because they might make the movie for you, and there are a few terribly bad things that happen that I also won’t mention here because they might ruin the movie for you. Preconceptions are a terrible thing; and thats what this movie is loaded with. In my mind its the first movie that is a sequel but also a prequel. Events are yet to happen in time, but we already know whats going to happen, which kinda sucks the suspense out of it. There’s also the fact that anyone who’s seen the first two (or three, depending on how much you hated the third and don’t mind me mentioning it here) and seen the flash-forwards and thought “Wow, a movie set just in the future like those scenes would be so awesome” and this is that movie, and it’s not all that awesome. You could blame the director of the Charlies Angels saga for ruining it, or the muddled writing time, or a million other things, but in the end, the blame falls squarely at the feet of Terminator and Terminator 2. In that respect this movie reminds me alot of The Matrix Revloutions, for reasons other than just critical which you’ll understand after you see Terminator Salvation, but for now it’s this point; yes, its not as good as the first two, and yes, it is a major disappointment which may cause you to hate it by comparison, but look at it this way, if the first two never existed for you to contrast it against, then this movie might’ve had a chance of being pretty good. So after all my take of Love It or Hate It, here goes……

Rating; Six out of Ten.

Rory Cashin.

May 21, 2009. Tags: , , , , , , , . funny, hollywood gossip, movies, reviews. Leave a comment.

It’s all over

unfairLook how happy these two rat b#stards look.  And why wouldn’t they be happy?  They’re both beautiful, rich and young AND get to bump uglies with each other.  And now they allegedly have another reason to add an extra air of smug to the mix with the emergence of a rumour that they are, in fact, engaged.

Now there was a similar rumour last November but their rep came out all aggressive and denied it but this time there has been no denial just a yawn-inducing “no comment”. What has sent everyone into overdrive is the combo of photos showing a rock on a certain finger and the fact that she flew to meet him in Cannes for one night.  Well with them both being so beautiful and seeming like such nice people who wouldn’t be happy for them if the rumours are true?

Oh thats right, me. And every woman with a penchant for Legolas.  And every man with eyes. Hmmm.

P.S to avoid any apparant confusion Miranda Kerr is a top Victoria’s Secret model.  Here is she is working the day job:

VS

May 21, 2009. Tags: , , , , . hollywood gossip, hot hotness, movies, oh sweet jesus, random. 2 comments.

Hope for us all

new_career

It’s been a while since Ms.Port has made an appearance on this ‘ere blog so here she is, getting the Dodgers v Mets game started.  I’m sure that has much more significance than I can imagine/care about, but the real reason that I bothered mentioning this is because Whitney threw the ball to her brother.  And the reason Whitney looks like she half knows what she’s doing is because Whitney used to play softball as a kid.  Which brings us to the real reason she is mentioned here today:

there_is_hope

I could look at this picture all day and take comfort.  Look at all those freckles! Where have they gone to now Whit? I miss them.

May 21, 2009. Tags: , , , , . funny, hollywood gossip, hot hotness, the hills, tv. Leave a comment.

The Angst Is Palpable

Here goes, the first official look at the new Twilight movie poster:

33869

Ooh, the moodiness. Being a fan of literature, I can proudly say that I’ve never read a single Twilight book, but then I’m probably not their ideal audience, since I’m not looking to hook up with any 14 year olds in the near future. But having seen the first film (through laugh induced tears) and from this poster, I’m gonna assume that stuff isn’t working out with the Vampire dude, but the Werewolf dude has been working out, so the chick is all like “Hot damn!”, right? Am I right? I’m so right. Also, “The Twilight Saga“? Jesus, take a chill pill. Its based on 4 books for sexless teenagers, not on The Torah. But on the upside, this poster is alot more subtle than their original idea.

new-moon-wolf-pack

Ugh….. Homoerotic much?

May 19, 2009. Tags: , , , , , , , , . funny, movies, oh sweet jesus. Leave a comment.

Paris Hilton; Agony Aunt

141439_paris-hilton-001_jpg5051ad08145f120e4e77da3a3ddb0f41While in Cannes this week promoting her new film, someone from ITN got a few seconds alone with Paris’ attention and asked her how she felt about the whole Jordan/Peter Andre break-up. Why anyone would think that Paris would know anything about Jordan or Peter Andre is beyond me, but in this case, their instincts turned up a winner, as Paris was able to respond… in a typically Paris-ian way.

Interviewer: Paris, any thoughts on the Jordan and Peter break up?

Paris: I’m not sad. I don’t know him. I know her, she’s cute so hopefully she’ll like being single.

Interviewer: Do you think she’ll cope during the break up?

Paris: Yeah! She can rock it!

Hmmm. I have the very strong impression that she has no idea what the interviewer was asking her. But then she was probably preoccupied with the critical reaction to her movie. And, unlike her previous movie “efforts” like House Of Wax or The Hottie & The Nottie, this is a serious film. A documentary no less. But, exactly like her previous movie “efforts”, it’s all about her. The film is called Paris, Not France and is all about the difficulties of being an attractive mid-twenties heir to billions, and is filled with honest truths like “People see me as a Barbie with a perfect life, a fantasy… maybe that’s what they like” and “There’s a mystery about me because how I am in public is completely different to how I am in private.”

Not so sure about that, Par. Most people like to have sex in private, whereas your sex can be accessed to be anyone with a wi-fi connection. But that infamous moment in her life is dealt with to: “It’s the most intimate thing you can do and the whole f***ing world is watching it and laughing at you. That’s not what I wanted when I was a little girl. It’s not what I planned. I always looked up to people like Princess Diana and now I can never be like that.” Yeah, because everyone was really getting a sense of Diana deja-vu from you with the half-naked red carpet appearances, dodgy r’n’b albums, crappy reality tv shows, DUI charges and stints behind bars. It was only when the sex-tape was leaked that we realised there were some differences in you two after all.

May 18, 2009. Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , . douch alert, funny, hollywood gossip, movies, music, oh sweet jesus, random, tv. Leave a comment.

What Comes Around……

148580“What’s that sound?”

Why, its the sound of you being bitch-slapped in court. I’ve always said that JT just had it too good. Rich, good-looking, talented, actor, singer, dancer, producer, Britney Spears in her prime, Cameron Diaz, Jessica Biel. There’s just so much to hate about him. But it looks like Karma has finally had a look at it’s To-Do pile and got to work this weekend.

Alison McDaniel has filed a sexual harassment suit against Timberlake and his business partners Eytan Sugarman and Ronnie Kaplan, stating they are guilty of “vile and discriminatory conduct.” McDaniel, 29, said her job as general manager became an X-rated nightmare in which she was spit on, pelted with expletives and subjected to porn. “In at least one instance, defendants Sugarman and Kaplan viewed … pornography while in a locked room with McDaniel and made fun of her when she began crying,” the suit filed in Manhattan Supreme Court claims. McDaniel, who worked at the Timberlake’s Second Ave. restaurant for a year, was fired after she wrote a memo complaining of the harassment, the suit claims.

Uh-Oh! None of that is good. I really, really hope that she gets millions and millions of dollars and deflates his sails so he doesn’t think he can produce his next album all on his own and goes running back to Timbaland so we can get an album full of SexyBack 2.0’s, because then everyone would be happy. Especially me. And isn’t thats what’s most important? That I get what I want? I seem to think so.

May 15, 2009. Tags: , , , , , , . douch alert, funny, hollywood gossip, music, oh sweet jesus, random. Leave a comment.

Oscars 2010? Already?

Yes. I’m afraid so.

Even though it feels like only yesterday that we winced our way through Hugh Jackson’s hosting duties, already Hollywood is gearing up for next year’s front runners. Here’s some trailers for said runners up front.

First up, The Road:

As anyone who has read the book (one of the best works of fiction in the last decade) can attest to, there isn’t a whole lot in the trailer that seems to relate to the source novel. The trailer would have you believe that this is a po-faced version of The Day After Tomorrow, which couldn’t really be any further from the truth. Also, the character of The Wife is mentioned maybe twice, but here, played by Charlize Theron, seems to be popping up all over the place. But I suppose there’s no point in hiring a Charlize Theron if you’re not going to use a Charlize Theron. I just hope that this is a case of the distributors trying to sell it to the masses by making it look all blockbuster-y, instead of just making it all blockbuster-y.

And, on the opposite end of the depression scale, we have Nine:

Daniel Day Lewis is having trouble because his personal and professional lives keep clashing, mainly down to the women in those lives. Those women consist of Nicole Kidman, Penelope Cruz, Kate Hudson, Judi Dench, Marion Cottilard, Sophia Loren, Stacey Ferguson (Fergie Ferg!) amoung others. What I’m feeling for DDY right now is not sympathy. Its not even close to sympathy. Except for when it comes to Fergie Ferg, just check out the trailer at the 1.20 mark. BAH!

May 15, 2009. Tags: , , , , , , , , , , . funny, hollywood gossip, hot hotness, movies. Leave a comment.

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