Fix Up, Look Sharp

I like Dizzee Rascal in a drunken-dancing-arms-in-the-air -jump-around-like-a-crazy-person-type way innit, but that is not going to make me any less likely to replay this clip of him faceplanting into the ground at a recent gig at the University of Kent twenty times and laugh my bitter twisted ass off.  It always amazes me to see how much commotion can be caused by a famous person falling over.

Bonkers.

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June 10, 2009. Tags: , , , , . funny, music, oh sweet jesus, random. Leave a comment.

Beyonce/Sasha Fierce/Joe Jonas

If I had any real interest in The Jonas Brothers I’m sure this video would be like ohmygodtotallyfunnyandhotandsexyandfunnyandstuff but seeing as I really am just aware of their existence I can see it for what it really is.  A video to plug their new album.  And it is pretty funny.  But then it is the kind of thing that you can see happening at drunken parties everywhere, just no-one has the inclination to have it happen in some kind of studio and to add an effect or two.  But the main thing is that drink would be involved. The Jo Bro’s dont get drunk do they? Hmmmm.

June 4, 2009. Tags: , , , , , . douch alert, funny, hollywood gossip, Is that really necessary?, movies, music, oh sweet jesus, random, tv. 1 comment.

The Weighing Kind

nadineNadine Coyle is one sexy lady, there’s no denying that most men would gladly have her as their other half, but maybe they’d reconsider it after hearing about her latest diet obsession. 

Having dinner at The Ivy in London, Nadine ordered a portion of plain fish, no sauce or seasoning, then produced an electronic scales and proceeded to weigh the meal.  Obviously there was somethin’ kinda huge about the meal cos she then broke some of it off and asked for that part to be taken away. An onlooker said “It was the oddest thing I’ve ever seen, but she acted as though it was the most normal thing in the world.”

Obviously all these sexiest woman polls Cheryl Cole has been beating her in lately have triggered off the crazy.

June 4, 2009. Tags: , , , , , . hollywood gossip, hot hotness, Is that really necessary?, music, oh sweet jesus, random, tv. Leave a comment.

(Ass)Crack A Bottle

Eminem has some kind of a sense of humour.  He does.  But I’m not sure it stretches to having a man’s meat and two veg in his face on national tv.  Or maybe it does.  The man never smiles anyway, so it can be hard to tell.

Anyway the video above shows what happened to Em at the MTV Movie Awards, and whilst he doesn’t look overly impressed in this clip, rumours are emerging that this HAS to have been pre-planned cos there’s no way they could’ve done this to him without him knowing.  So his reaction of disgust is down to his acting skills? Hmmmm.

Even better is the rumour that they apparantly wanted to have it happen to Paris Hilton but she said no.  I guess Doug’s are enough for her.  Paris is of the opinion that Em was genuinely shocked, and she seems to have some inside info:

“I don’t think he [Eminem] knew, because I talked to someone who was running the show before and he said a big surprise was gonna happen and the person didn’t know it was gonna happen,”

She goes on to say that the whole thing was “very odd“.  Well I hope so, otherwise it was an insight into Eminem’s life that I don’t think anyone was ready for.

June 2, 2009. Tags: , , , , , , , , , , . funny, hollywood gossip, hot hotness, movies, music, oh sweet jesus, random, tv. Leave a comment.

Why R U Not Famous(er)?

amerie_art_2Does anyone have any idea why Amerie is not more famouser? She is a total rideface, slamming body, great voice, writes her own songs most of which are pretty good and get dancefloors filled, her albums have great production work, so why is it that she is in the doldrums most of the time?

Hopefully this is all about to change for her cos she’s changed record labels and her new album, In Love & War, has a list of famous music producers as long as my arm, and she’s already got some samples of her new stuff on rotation. First up is Why R U?, which is a pretty good mid-tempo infatuation song:

And then there’s Tell Me U Love Me, which harkins back to her love of dance trumpets:

Please Amerie, please get the attention that you deserve this time. And then she’ll realize that she got it because of me, because of my obvious love for her, and she’ll repay me by marrying me. Or giving me loads of moneys. I’m fine either way.

May 23, 2009. Tags: , , , , . funny, hollywood gossip, hot hotness, music. Leave a comment.

Spencer Pratt Something Something Douche

While talking with one of my friends about Spencer Pratt and how much of a douche he is, a realisation came over me. And when I say realisation, I mean I was looking at the tv and noticed something. It was that FallOut Boy song that isn’t very good and everyone is wearing Mission: Impossible false faces and someone takes theirs off and its Spencer Pratt. Kevin Federline worked his way up from being a back up dancer to a “celebrity” in his own right, whereas Pratt seems to be working his way up to being a back up dancer for big black rappers that I’ve never heard of.

I mean, sure, Kevin Casey (who, if you Wikipedia-search him, comes up as the Michael J Fox character in Scrubs) looks pretty tough and could probably pummel nancy-boy rappers into the pavement, but he’s still entirely unknown, and his first single is called No Surrender 2. Huh? Have I missed something? And it’s to be continued? The story to this video is that you like kicking people in the face and dancing with dudes in the desert. Is there some cliffhanger plot-point that I’ve completely missed out on here?

May 22, 2009. Tags: , , , , , , , . douch alert, funny, music, oh sweet jesus, random, the hills, tv. 1 comment.

Mariah Admits To Imperfection

6a00d83451b46869e200e54f5064888834-640wiBut also makes hints that she may, in fact, be heavenly also. Even though it feels like only yesterday when Mariah dropped E=MC2 on us all, its actually been over a year. A whole year of disappointingly underachieving singles, not-enough-news-coverage shock weddings and entire Eminem hate songs. Whats a girl to do to get more press? Well, whip out some more songs, of course. The-Dream, who wrote/produced Touch My Body for Carey, had this to say about her upcoming album:

I think it’s about just writing an album that includes the focus of all the hits that she’s had. She can’t take a loss; she has to do everything to the T. So it’s basically like we’re trying to make a greatest hits album without using the greatest hits.

Interesting. So what you’re saying is, she wants an album full of hit singles. What an original take of musical output. Obviously they’re both geniuses. But along with The-Dream, Mariah has worked with Tricky Stewart (Umbrella, Single Ladies), Jermaine Dupri (who already gave Mariah the singles It’s Like That and Don’t Forget About Us), Brian Michael Cox (who already gave Mariah We Belong Together and Get Your Number) and Timbaland. She’s also doing a cover of Foreigner’s “I Want To Know What Love Is.” So, she’s working with the biggest hit producers of today, and the producers who’ve given her the biggest hits to date, not to mention covering one of the biggest power ballads of all time. I tell you, Mariah is the Stephen Hawkins of R’n’B. And then you find out what she’s calling her new album.

Memoirs Of An Imperfect Angel. Ugh.

May 22, 2009. Tags: , , , , , , , , , . douch alert, funny, hollywood gossip, music. Leave a comment.

Oh. Dear. God.

grimnessI swear to god this photo just almost made me lose my breakfast.  Paris Hilton is a menace!  She looks like she’s about to lick his entire face.  It’s like a kiss from Date Movie, I mean that shit is embarrassing.  I may never kiss another living soul again because that image there is burned onto my retinas for life.  But maybe Doug is into the kiss of an overenthusiastic Golden Retriever? Not judging by this pic:

panic

He has the body language of soemone standing at the top of stairs about to fall off, trying to direct his lower body backwards knowing that it’s pointless cos his ass is falling all the way down. Down her oesophagus by the looks of it. And she is not letting his ass go either *note the “tender” hands-clamped-around-face gesture.  Doug seems to mention the uncoolness of her assault on his face and attempt to start what may never have been started before in the history of their relationship – a conversation, but she’s not bothered:

round_2

She’s ready for Round 2.  You gotta feel for that guy in the foreground of the photo who has obviously witnessed it all first hand. He has that dead look in his eyes of a man who has been broken by what he has seen.

May 22, 2009. Tags: , , , , . douch alert, hollywood gossip, hot hotness, movies, music, oh sweet jesus, random, the hills, tv. 2 comments.

Paris Hilton; Agony Aunt

141439_paris-hilton-001_jpg5051ad08145f120e4e77da3a3ddb0f41While in Cannes this week promoting her new film, someone from ITN got a few seconds alone with Paris’ attention and asked her how she felt about the whole Jordan/Peter Andre break-up. Why anyone would think that Paris would know anything about Jordan or Peter Andre is beyond me, but in this case, their instincts turned up a winner, as Paris was able to respond… in a typically Paris-ian way.

Interviewer: Paris, any thoughts on the Jordan and Peter break up?

Paris: I’m not sad. I don’t know him. I know her, she’s cute so hopefully she’ll like being single.

Interviewer: Do you think she’ll cope during the break up?

Paris: Yeah! She can rock it!

Hmmm. I have the very strong impression that she has no idea what the interviewer was asking her. But then she was probably preoccupied with the critical reaction to her movie. And, unlike her previous movie “efforts” like House Of Wax or The Hottie & The Nottie, this is a serious film. A documentary no less. But, exactly like her previous movie “efforts”, it’s all about her. The film is called Paris, Not France and is all about the difficulties of being an attractive mid-twenties heir to billions, and is filled with honest truths like “People see me as a Barbie with a perfect life, a fantasy… maybe that’s what they like” and “There’s a mystery about me because how I am in public is completely different to how I am in private.”

Not so sure about that, Par. Most people like to have sex in private, whereas your sex can be accessed to be anyone with a wi-fi connection. But that infamous moment in her life is dealt with to: “It’s the most intimate thing you can do and the whole f***ing world is watching it and laughing at you. That’s not what I wanted when I was a little girl. It’s not what I planned. I always looked up to people like Princess Diana and now I can never be like that.” Yeah, because everyone was really getting a sense of Diana deja-vu from you with the half-naked red carpet appearances, dodgy r’n’b albums, crappy reality tv shows, DUI charges and stints behind bars. It was only when the sex-tape was leaked that we realised there were some differences in you two after all.

May 18, 2009. Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , . douch alert, funny, hollywood gossip, movies, music, oh sweet jesus, random, tv. Leave a comment.

What Comes Around……

148580“What’s that sound?”

Why, its the sound of you being bitch-slapped in court. I’ve always said that JT just had it too good. Rich, good-looking, talented, actor, singer, dancer, producer, Britney Spears in her prime, Cameron Diaz, Jessica Biel. There’s just so much to hate about him. But it looks like Karma has finally had a look at it’s To-Do pile and got to work this weekend.

Alison McDaniel has filed a sexual harassment suit against Timberlake and his business partners Eytan Sugarman and Ronnie Kaplan, stating they are guilty of “vile and discriminatory conduct.” McDaniel, 29, said her job as general manager became an X-rated nightmare in which she was spit on, pelted with expletives and subjected to porn. “In at least one instance, defendants Sugarman and Kaplan viewed … pornography while in a locked room with McDaniel and made fun of her when she began crying,” the suit filed in Manhattan Supreme Court claims. McDaniel, who worked at the Timberlake’s Second Ave. restaurant for a year, was fired after she wrote a memo complaining of the harassment, the suit claims.

Uh-Oh! None of that is good. I really, really hope that she gets millions and millions of dollars and deflates his sails so he doesn’t think he can produce his next album all on his own and goes running back to Timbaland so we can get an album full of SexyBack 2.0’s, because then everyone would be happy. Especially me. And isn’t thats what’s most important? That I get what I want? I seem to think so.

May 15, 2009. Tags: , , , , , , . douch alert, funny, hollywood gossip, music, oh sweet jesus, random. Leave a comment.

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