Beyonce/Sasha Fierce/Joe Jonas

If I had any real interest in The Jonas Brothers I’m sure this video would be like ohmygodtotallyfunnyandhotandsexyandfunnyandstuff but seeing as I really am just aware of their existence I can see it for what it really is.  A video to plug their new album.  And it is pretty funny.  But then it is the kind of thing that you can see happening at drunken parties everywhere, just no-one has the inclination to have it happen in some kind of studio and to add an effect or two.  But the main thing is that drink would be involved. The Jo Bro’s dont get drunk do they? Hmmmm.

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June 4, 2009. Tags: , , , , , . douch alert, funny, hollywood gossip, Is that really necessary?, movies, music, oh sweet jesus, random, tv. 1 comment.

The Weighing Kind

nadineNadine Coyle is one sexy lady, there’s no denying that most men would gladly have her as their other half, but maybe they’d reconsider it after hearing about her latest diet obsession. 

Having dinner at The Ivy in London, Nadine ordered a portion of plain fish, no sauce or seasoning, then produced an electronic scales and proceeded to weigh the meal.  Obviously there was somethin’ kinda huge about the meal cos she then broke some of it off and asked for that part to be taken away. An onlooker said “It was the oddest thing I’ve ever seen, but she acted as though it was the most normal thing in the world.”

Obviously all these sexiest woman polls Cheryl Cole has been beating her in lately have triggered off the crazy.

June 4, 2009. Tags: , , , , , . hollywood gossip, hot hotness, Is that really necessary?, music, oh sweet jesus, random, tv. Leave a comment.

00-Smoothie

SHOWBIZ Craig 1How much do you like Daniel Craig? Really? Enough to vote to immortalise him in ice-cream form and then abruptly, ahem, eat him?

Well apparantly some 1,000 women like to vote for these kind of things, and most of them decided that Mr. Craig was the one they’d most like to lick, and Del Monte Superfruit Smoothies obliged these sick chicas.

Weird, but not without it’s charms I suppose.

June 2, 2009. Tags: , , , . funny, hollywood gossip, hot hotness, Is that really necessary?, movies, oh sweet jesus, random. Leave a comment.

(Ass)Crack A Bottle

Eminem has some kind of a sense of humour.  He does.  But I’m not sure it stretches to having a man’s meat and two veg in his face on national tv.  Or maybe it does.  The man never smiles anyway, so it can be hard to tell.

Anyway the video above shows what happened to Em at the MTV Movie Awards, and whilst he doesn’t look overly impressed in this clip, rumours are emerging that this HAS to have been pre-planned cos there’s no way they could’ve done this to him without him knowing.  So his reaction of disgust is down to his acting skills? Hmmmm.

Even better is the rumour that they apparantly wanted to have it happen to Paris Hilton but she said no.  I guess Doug’s are enough for her.  Paris is of the opinion that Em was genuinely shocked, and she seems to have some inside info:

“I don’t think he [Eminem] knew, because I talked to someone who was running the show before and he said a big surprise was gonna happen and the person didn’t know it was gonna happen,”

She goes on to say that the whole thing was “very odd“.  Well I hope so, otherwise it was an insight into Eminem’s life that I don’t think anyone was ready for.

June 2, 2009. Tags: , , , , , , , , , , . funny, hollywood gossip, hot hotness, movies, music, oh sweet jesus, random, tv. Leave a comment.

Why R U Not Famous(er)?

amerie_art_2Does anyone have any idea why Amerie is not more famouser? She is a total rideface, slamming body, great voice, writes her own songs most of which are pretty good and get dancefloors filled, her albums have great production work, so why is it that she is in the doldrums most of the time?

Hopefully this is all about to change for her cos she’s changed record labels and her new album, In Love & War, has a list of famous music producers as long as my arm, and she’s already got some samples of her new stuff on rotation. First up is Why R U?, which is a pretty good mid-tempo infatuation song:

And then there’s Tell Me U Love Me, which harkins back to her love of dance trumpets:

Please Amerie, please get the attention that you deserve this time. And then she’ll realize that she got it because of me, because of my obvious love for her, and she’ll repay me by marrying me. Or giving me loads of moneys. I’m fine either way.

May 23, 2009. Tags: , , , , . funny, hollywood gossip, hot hotness, music. Leave a comment.

Mariah Admits To Imperfection

6a00d83451b46869e200e54f5064888834-640wiBut also makes hints that she may, in fact, be heavenly also. Even though it feels like only yesterday when Mariah dropped E=MC2 on us all, its actually been over a year. A whole year of disappointingly underachieving singles, not-enough-news-coverage shock weddings and entire Eminem hate songs. Whats a girl to do to get more press? Well, whip out some more songs, of course. The-Dream, who wrote/produced Touch My Body for Carey, had this to say about her upcoming album:

I think it’s about just writing an album that includes the focus of all the hits that she’s had. She can’t take a loss; she has to do everything to the T. So it’s basically like we’re trying to make a greatest hits album without using the greatest hits.

Interesting. So what you’re saying is, she wants an album full of hit singles. What an original take of musical output. Obviously they’re both geniuses. But along with The-Dream, Mariah has worked with Tricky Stewart (Umbrella, Single Ladies), Jermaine Dupri (who already gave Mariah the singles It’s Like That and Don’t Forget About Us), Brian Michael Cox (who already gave Mariah We Belong Together and Get Your Number) and Timbaland. She’s also doing a cover of Foreigner’s “I Want To Know What Love Is.” So, she’s working with the biggest hit producers of today, and the producers who’ve given her the biggest hits to date, not to mention covering one of the biggest power ballads of all time. I tell you, Mariah is the Stephen Hawkins of R’n’B. And then you find out what she’s calling her new album.

Memoirs Of An Imperfect Angel. Ugh.

May 22, 2009. Tags: , , , , , , , , , . douch alert, funny, hollywood gossip, music. Leave a comment.

Oh. Dear. God.

grimnessI swear to god this photo just almost made me lose my breakfast.  Paris Hilton is a menace!  She looks like she’s about to lick his entire face.  It’s like a kiss from Date Movie, I mean that shit is embarrassing.  I may never kiss another living soul again because that image there is burned onto my retinas for life.  But maybe Doug is into the kiss of an overenthusiastic Golden Retriever? Not judging by this pic:

panic

He has the body language of soemone standing at the top of stairs about to fall off, trying to direct his lower body backwards knowing that it’s pointless cos his ass is falling all the way down. Down her oesophagus by the looks of it. And she is not letting his ass go either *note the “tender” hands-clamped-around-face gesture.  Doug seems to mention the uncoolness of her assault on his face and attempt to start what may never have been started before in the history of their relationship – a conversation, but she’s not bothered:

round_2

She’s ready for Round 2.  You gotta feel for that guy in the foreground of the photo who has obviously witnessed it all first hand. He has that dead look in his eyes of a man who has been broken by what he has seen.

May 22, 2009. Tags: , , , , . douch alert, hollywood gossip, hot hotness, movies, music, oh sweet jesus, random, the hills, tv. 2 comments.

Review; “Terminator Salvation”

terminator_salvation_posterSo, 25 years after the original, but set 9 years from now, it’s finally here, the film that everyone was looking forward to, but expecting to be kinda pants. Pre-word was the defintion of mixed bag; Christian Bale? Hoorah! McG? Boooo! From the writer of The Dark Knight? Hoorah! But also from the writer of Catwoman? Boooo! And on and on and on…… But now it’s finally here, is it any good? Yes. And no. This will be the Marmite Film Of The Year, there will be no middle ground.

Perhaps the reason for this is because it doesn’t really feel like a Terminator film in any real way. Yes, the robots are the same and John Connor is running about the place, but this doesn’t feel like the flash-forwards from the first three movies. Back then, the year 2018 seemed to be constantly set at night, with both humans and robots are constant war with each other, with lasers and the like lighting up the perma-dark sky. But now, 2018 is set mostly during the day (as the robots have infra-red night-vision, just one of the many off the cuff remarks that will lead to many a fan-boy screaming at the screen), there are no lasers to speak of as everything seems to have weird retro-steam-punk feel to it, and there is no war. Well, there is a war, but not one we see on screen. More often that not, we only ever see one robot on screen at any one time, not the masses of machinery that James Cameron had envision decades ago.

The movie doesn’t feel like a Terminator movie, it feels like a post-apocalyptic zombie movie, except they have guns and the ability to use them properly. And for a movie that involves time-travelling robots, everyone in it is acting like they’re in Apocalypse Now 2; Nuclear Bugaloo. Christian Bale brings the same deep throat gravel acting that he had in the Batman movies, with the weight of the world on his shoulders, whether the world believes him or not. Bryce Dallas Howard shows up to do nothing more than be pregnant (which isn’t mentioned once!), Moon Bloodgood is hot and spunky but is essentially little more than a walking Deus Ex Machina, and Helena Bonham Carter jarrs the audience with her tops-and-tails appearances in the movie, but thats all I’m gonna say about that. Michael Ironside and Common are both there to remind us that The Robots Are Bad, in case anyone needed reminding .On the plus side is Sam Worthington and Anton Yelchin, as Marcus Wright and Kyle Reece respectively, and both bring enough charisma and gravitas to their roles to make them work exceptionally well.

But they’re all pretty much background dressing to what people really came here to see; Explosions and Robots and Exploding Robots, and director McG does a fine job at handling the action portion of the movie. When the movie does stop trying to exposition itself to death, the pulse does quicken and you do find yourself sliding ever so slightly towards the edge of the seat. There are even some cool Children Of Men-esque one shot scenes which looked very difficult to do, including one near the start of the film with Bale trying to safely land a helicopter. Upside down. But another problem arises, in that the film’s best and most exciting action sequence arrives around the 45 minute mark, at which point there’s nothing left to do but slowly let the next hour never reach that pinnacle of excitement again.

There are a few great things that happen that I won’t ruin for you here because they might make the movie for you, and there are a few terribly bad things that happen that I also won’t mention here because they might ruin the movie for you. Preconceptions are a terrible thing; and thats what this movie is loaded with. In my mind its the first movie that is a sequel but also a prequel. Events are yet to happen in time, but we already know whats going to happen, which kinda sucks the suspense out of it. There’s also the fact that anyone who’s seen the first two (or three, depending on how much you hated the third and don’t mind me mentioning it here) and seen the flash-forwards and thought “Wow, a movie set just in the future like those scenes would be so awesome” and this is that movie, and it’s not all that awesome. You could blame the director of the Charlies Angels saga for ruining it, or the muddled writing time, or a million other things, but in the end, the blame falls squarely at the feet of Terminator and Terminator 2. In that respect this movie reminds me alot of The Matrix Revloutions, for reasons other than just critical which you’ll understand after you see Terminator Salvation, but for now it’s this point; yes, its not as good as the first two, and yes, it is a major disappointment which may cause you to hate it by comparison, but look at it this way, if the first two never existed for you to contrast it against, then this movie might’ve had a chance of being pretty good. So after all my take of Love It or Hate It, here goes……

Rating; Six out of Ten.

Rory Cashin.

May 21, 2009. Tags: , , , , , , , . funny, hollywood gossip, movies, reviews. Leave a comment.

It’s all over

unfairLook how happy these two rat b#stards look.  And why wouldn’t they be happy?  They’re both beautiful, rich and young AND get to bump uglies with each other.  And now they allegedly have another reason to add an extra air of smug to the mix with the emergence of a rumour that they are, in fact, engaged.

Now there was a similar rumour last November but their rep came out all aggressive and denied it but this time there has been no denial just a yawn-inducing “no comment”. What has sent everyone into overdrive is the combo of photos showing a rock on a certain finger and the fact that she flew to meet him in Cannes for one night.  Well with them both being so beautiful and seeming like such nice people who wouldn’t be happy for them if the rumours are true?

Oh thats right, me. And every woman with a penchant for Legolas.  And every man with eyes. Hmmm.

P.S to avoid any apparant confusion Miranda Kerr is a top Victoria’s Secret model.  Here is she is working the day job:

VS

May 21, 2009. Tags: , , , , . hollywood gossip, hot hotness, movies, oh sweet jesus, random. 2 comments.

Hope for us all

new_career

It’s been a while since Ms.Port has made an appearance on this ‘ere blog so here she is, getting the Dodgers v Mets game started.  I’m sure that has much more significance than I can imagine/care about, but the real reason that I bothered mentioning this is because Whitney threw the ball to her brother.  And the reason Whitney looks like she half knows what she’s doing is because Whitney used to play softball as a kid.  Which brings us to the real reason she is mentioned here today:

there_is_hope

I could look at this picture all day and take comfort.  Look at all those freckles! Where have they gone to now Whit? I miss them.

May 21, 2009. Tags: , , , , . funny, hollywood gossip, hot hotness, the hills, tv. Leave a comment.

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