You know what terrível means Katie?

Yeah it means that that SHIT you let Tom dress you up in this week looks terrible/nasty/every shade of wrong.

katy_wtf

It looks like Tom went to a souvenir shop in Rio before the premiere of Operacao Valquiria last night, saw some lame ass doll that he bought for Suri and made Mommy dress up as her. God damn that shit is ugly. The face is as good as Katie gets lately and the shoes are fine but the thing she’s wearing? It’s like a flapper dress got in a fight with wonder woman’s sparkles and landed on Katie. I’m sure Tom was pleased with his creation though.

It’s becoming more and more likely that Katie is Tom’s real life “real doll”. Altogether now….*eeew*

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February 4, 2009. Tags: , , , , . crazy tom cruise, movies, oh sweet jesus. Leave a comment.

The Year Of The Nazi

Not sure which Nazi film is the Nazi film for you? Granted, it’s not like finding yourself in the nether region between McDonalds and Burger King (my decision maker? which one was a smaller queue! DUH!), but it is a difficult decision that you have to face this Oscar season if you find yourself in your local multiplex. But the following graph should help you out some, as well as give you the heads up on which Nazi film has full frontal sexy nudity, and which Nazi film has a famous actor playing a man who used to be dog befriending a dog that used to be a man. See? There’s something for everyone! Bring the kids!

movieflowchart

January 9, 2009. Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , . crazy tom cruise, funny, movies. 2 comments.

Coincidence?

Today is an important day, more important that you may realise and not just because it’s seven sleeps to Christmas. Today is the day that four celebrities celebrate their birthdays; Katie Holmes, Christina Aguilera, Brad Pitt and DMX and though they may seem totally unconnected at first, maybe December 18 is more than just a shared birthday to these celebrities who used to have careers and now just have private lives, or in the case of DMX arrest records.

First, Katie Holmes:

katie-holmes

Little Katie was a total do-gooder in real life before landing the role of a do-gooder in Dawson’s Creek from 1998 to 2003. This was her career high where she met and *ahem* held hands with Chris Klein before he became an ugmo. 

Career Catalyst? Tom Cruise.

Next, Christina Aguilera

christina_aguilera

Christina started her career on the Mickey Mouse Club (in fact she has based her whole career on her love of mickey) and although never managing to be anyone’s favourite mousekateer, she got pretty close during her career high when she donned some leather chaps and sang about being Dirrrty.

Career catalyst: People tired of her attempts at being every possible version of a whore

Then, Brad Pitt

brad-question

Yes, Brad, you may well look confused as you question what has happened to your stellar career. Brad sexed up Thelma and Louise back in 1991 and experienced a career high for basically the next 14 years until 2005 where he divorced Jennifer Aniston.

Career Catalyst: Angelina Jolie, her gaggle of kids and her need for a sperm doner and live in manny, I mean husband.

And finally, DMX

dmx-pray1

DMX, or Dark Man X to give him his full rap name, has made a career out of being a criminal who occasional growls into a microphone and produces a record.  Maybe he has repressed rage because his parents named him Earl.  He reached his career high with his 1999 album “And Then There Was X” whilst taking a brief break from his life of crime.

Career catalyst:  Arrested in 2004 for barking like a dog while attempting to carjack a car. Although he’s been arrested and charged another 50 or so times, anyone who thinks they’re cool enough to bark like a dog in public while stealing something they can blatantly afford to buy doesn’t deserve a career.

So what does all this prove? Well maybe it’s a cosmic pre-disposition to this career nose-dive, maybe it’s not their fault and it was pre-written in the stars? Or maybe we don’t give a s**t.

December 18, 2008. Tags: , , , , , , , , . crazy tom cruise, funny, random. 1 comment.