There are opportunities in the world of celebrities to use our comedic brains to come up with something funny about something a famous person did or said and everyone laughs at them and they get to continue to count their money and everyone is happy. But then there are those in the world of fame that just… they just… I mean, seriously now…
Yes, we get it, you’re both whores. You’re whore-ish to the media and your whore-isms escalate when attention is deviated from you, but come on now. Swine Flu has actually killed people, and instead of being sensitive, you go around, parading through Los Angeles airport, doing kissy faces, thinking its so funny reinacting that scene from Outbreak where the two people who masks on kiss. Well, in that scene, those people ended up DEAD! Any money they’re in the airport cos they’ve just come back from Mexico, standing on the graves of the flu victims, screaming “You are El-Deado! We are El-Richo and El-Famouso!”
Either that or they have their masks on so they don’t infect each other with their own viral strains of self-importance. Which, to be honest, is reason enough for everyone else in The Hills to start wearing them, too.
Now, I’m not saying that we here at Wedofunny get enjoyment out of celebrities crazy episodes, deteriorations and obvious downward spirals. Well actually no, that’s exactly what I’m saying. And here we have three pretty good examples of people other than Lohan or Allen providing us with blog fodder too good to pass up.
Take the hot piece of ass that is (or maybe was!) Pamela Anderson. Here she is at an opening of a steakhouse looking like she’s spent too much time on the grill herself and melted her face. Her eyes are barely open under the weight of all the alcohol/drugs/eye gunk she has on. She obviously couldnt see while she was putting on her bra either cos last time I checked a nude t-shirt bra wasn’t exactly sex on a stick.
Someone who SHOULD be visiting steakhouses and investing in some nude t-shirt bras is Keira “I haven’t eaten since the age of 12” Knightly. Seriously, this photo is just upsetting. She looks like she could walk through railings except that her lollipop head would get stuck. She’s Flat Stanley for the noughties. She needs to start posting herself places and saving on the air fare. I realise that she says she’d never be anorexic because of her family history of it and blah blah but she’s not exactly an advocate for the supersize club is she? Actually she needs to grab a bag of Cheeto’s a la Britney, eat for about 2 weeks solid and then restart her career without a trace of a corset in sight.
And finally, we have a surprise appearance by Julia Roberts. Prior to this her only real obvious fault was her inability to walk in heels. (Have you seen her walk in Ocean’s Eleven? Liam Neeson could walk better in a pair of Louboutins than her) Anyways, Julia gave a funny and obviously drunken speech honouring Tom Hanks at a tribute by the Film Society of Lincoln Centre. And she decided to riddle it with F’s, T’s and A’s. She was using the word “fuck” like it was going out of fashion.
What the fuck is this rant about: “Listen, I had lunch today with Rita, and her tits were here [motioned high] and her waist was here [motioned small] and her ass was like that [motioned high], so what can I tell you that’s new? Tom Hanks, what the fuck?”
What the fuck is right Julia.
I mean, come on now. Is this any way for a married woman to be dressed? What? She’s not? Then what was that show all about??
For the past few years you couldn’t move without seeing a picture of Matthew McConaughy semi-naked working out. And I was entirely fine with that. Actually his love of all things semi-naked and his drawl-y accent were what distracted us from the fact that he plays the same role in every movie. And men hated this, well straight ones anyway.
Well they are about to get some justice in the form of the movie The Grackle, a film which requires McConaughy to put on 20 pounds to play an overweight fighter. God dammit. Though you can’t begrudge the man a few cheeseburgers, he does seem to enjoy them so: “I’ll eat more cheeseburgers. That’s my favourite food. Man who invented the hamburger was smart; man who invented the cheeseburger was a genius.”
With Matthew losing his physique temporarily we’ll just have to make do with Hugh Jackman, ridiculous gay rumours et al, until filming for The Grackle is done. *sigh*
Let me say first off that I quite liked Blue. Their music was catchy pop shizz that you could sing along to in public for quite a limited time and enjoy in the privacy of your own home/car for much longer if that was your thing. Also there were reasons like this:
And while that’s all well and good, when I heard the news that Blue are getting back together, I wasn’t entirely happy about it. Actually I wasn’t happy at all. Besides the decline in their music near the end (Bubblin’ anyone?) the Blue boys still have a three-record deal with Innocent/EMI to finish so news of their reunion probably shouldn’t come as too much of a surprise then. I guess when EMI says jump, Blue says “how high and how choregraphed?”
One of their gigs will be the Capital FM’s summertime ball and apparantly it’s going to be even better than the first time around. Exciting. And what is nice to see is that some things really haven’t changed and Lee Ryan is still a whiney-voiced douchebag. When discussing the band’s split in the first place, Ryan says “We never actually broke up. We never said we was broken up officially.” But Simon “I actually had solo success” Webbe was quick to lay the smackdown by saying “We did though. We did say that we was persuing solo careers and stuff.”
You can just tell that every member of Blue want to smack Lee Ryan really really hard with the hairy part of the hand. Just to help him hit those high notes of course.
This entry was done because it was news worthy. For no other reason. Yes, the photo research and recon part of it did seem to make time fly, but just because something is nice to look at it, doesn’t mean it’s not still work! Go say that to some architect and see if he agrees with you or me. Anyways, the FHM Top 100 Sexy Women issue just came out, and even for men who don’t normally buy FHM, this is the one issue a year that they do invest in. I don’t have time to go through all 100 of them here, so lets just make do with the top tenth.
(10) Freida Pinto.
Any money we won’t be seeing her this high up again. Unless that Bond rumour comes true, in which case we might see her up even higher.
(9) Anna Friel
I don’t agree with this. She’s cute, yes. But she makes me feel bad for looking at her unclothed. I don’t know how or why, but its the truth.
(8) Kristin Kreuk
Who? She was in Smallville, you say? Hmmm. Never heard of her.
(7) Elisha Cuthbert
I liked her in 24 and The Girl Next Door, and she looks like durt, so she can stay.
(6) Adrina Lima
Appearantly this woman didn’t have sex until she got married earlier this year. I didn’t think stuff like that still happened. They should erect a statue in honour of her. I’d erect it myself.
(5) Keeley Hazell
She has overtaken David Beckham as the most Google-d Brit in the States. Good for her.
(4) Britney Spears
Nervous breakdowns and being vaguely unhinged are desirable personality traits, just as long as you’ve got the breasts and the money to back it all up.
(3) Jessica Alba
No matter what Jessica Biel does in her life, she must rue the day Alba’s parents named their daughter, for now she is forever known as “Jessica Biel? Is she the hot one? Or the other one who goes out with JT?”
(2) Megan Fox
Came number one last year on the back of Transformers and nothing more. This year she has Transformers 2 and a film called Jennifer’s Body about a nympho-cheerleader who is also a murderer. Hmmm……
(1) Cheryl Cole
Yes. I agree.
… sounds just like every other Basement Jaxx song. Their new album appearantly will feature Cyndi Lauper, Sam Sparro, Sophie Ellis Bextor, Grace Jones and Yoko Ono. The word “demented” springs to mind.
That’s right. I said it. You’re all weird, the lot of ya. I know cinema is like a religion to you, but I mean seriously now:
Wasn’t this already a film? Wasn’t it called The Hand That Rocked The Cradle? And wasn’t it good? So why remake it, rename it, and recast it with WonderDiva, that hairlip chick from Heroes and…… I’m sorry, just who the hell is that guy that they’re all fighting over? Idris Elba, I’ve never heard of you, and you’re not exactly Taye Diggs, so whats the big deal? Also, the trailer is epic in length, and I’m pretty sure it gives away the entire film. Also, Jerry O’Connell? Just where the fudge have you been hiding?
Anyways, the point I’m trying to make; this film is currently number one in the U.S. box office, having made over $28 million since friday. It made more money than that shit Zac Efron movie, or that shit Channing Tatum movie. Even though it itself looks like all kinds of shit. Is that what’s in now? Is shit whats hot? I just don’t understand the world anymore.
Moby went and broke his ankle this week. Funny right? The idea that the cast for his ankle would make him even more of a sap is funny yes? Well no, Moby got it kick-boxing!
But before you go thinking that Moby has turned into some kind of hardman, here’s how the bone-breaking incident Play-ed (ahem) out in real life: “I fractured my ankle. It’s turned all different colours. I fractured my ankle at kickboxing. That’s the cool half of the story. The uncool part is that I wasn’t actually fighting at the time. I was walking in the ring and ‘snap’, fell over.”
So what he’s saying is that he struggles with walking. The man who had huge success with Play and 18, who has acted, started a band, continues to work on albums and is big into his faith struggles with walking. Hmmm. And there I was feeling guilty about sitting on my ass all day, turns out I’m avoiding certain injury! If Moby can’t walk, what chance do I have?
Hands up who thinks that this was Moby’s first and last attempt at getting into a kick-boxing ring.
For anyone unfamiliar with Susan Boyle, watch the video about and you’ll get the general idea. Well since her appearance on Britain’s Got Talent things have gotten a little out of hand for Susan. She now needs a bodyguard, she’s been on tv in America and on Sky News and she’s the favourite to win the show. But it seems that things have taken a slightly more bizarre turn.
An American adult film company called Kick Ass have offered Susan £700,000 to let them film her losing her virginity. “We want to get this movie shot and out while Susan has the world’s attention. Besides, after 47 years of virginity, I’m sure Susan is also anxious to get something cracking as soon as possible.”
There is something genuinely upsetting about that whole idea.