Network of the rich (and probably famous)

NP_301382_DAMA_affluence_It’s been a while since I’ve seen someone that bangs of Eau de Douche as much as this guy.  He makes me want to get sick all over the place at first sight alone and seeing as he’s set up a networking site for the seriously wealthy, I dunno, that hate seems to have magnified beyond all recognition.

The guy in question is Scott Mitchell and he’s set up a site called “affluent.org” which he describes as “a virtual country club”.  Mitchell once was a technology consultant for Arthur Andersen, an accounting firm, but later co-founded Tunes.com, through which he launched several Web sites (notably Rollingstone.com).  After Tunes.com sold for $185 million in 2000, he moved to Florida to retire at 29.  *hatred escalating*

Anyway, Affluent.org requires members to have $3 million in the bank or have an income of $300,000 per annum to join. And they check your records before you join and keep a check on you to make sure you maintain your affluent status.

Methinks they should’ve just called it Twatter.

March 30, 2009. Tags: , , , . douch alert, funny, hollywood gossip, oh sweet jesus, random. 1 comment.

Justification for E.S.T

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Seriously Electro Shock Therapy must be the only option for people like this lovely lady on the right of the photo.  She, no doubt ,was one of the idiots who logged onto a website called Computertan.com which managed to rack up a million hits.

Computertan.com, which was actually set up to promote a skin cancer charity,  “offers” a free year round tan, and when the shitforbrains click on it,  a big message comes up saying “Don’t Be Fooled – UV Exposure Can Kill”.  Yes it can.  But these people deserve it if they believed that somehow their computer can offer them a free year round tan.  They deserve to be electrocuted every time they press the “return” key.  That’s all I’m saying.

March 30, 2009. Tags: , , , . douch alert, funny, hot hotness, oh sweet jesus, random. Leave a comment.

The Bad Sort Of Dirty

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So, last week, there were stories circulating around the set of New Moon (the sequel to Twilight, in case you live under a rock, in which case, who does your wi-fi connection?) that Robert Pattinson is a dirty boy. And not the kind of dirty boy that make you women weak at the knees, more the kind of dirty boy that will make you women drop to your knees and vomit into the nearest toilet. Its something he himself as owned up to:

I have so much residue crap in my hair from years and years and years of not washing it and not having any sense of personal hygiene whatsoever.”

But appearantly its much, much worse than that, as the walking gag reflex tester does the rounds on the set, sending assistances running for cover in search of deodorant or gas masks, or so says a runner on the set:

He stinks. I mean, it’s awful. He never showers, and it drives people on the set crazy. He completely reeks.”

So, Rob himself says that his hairatage is basically a mobile motel for lice and may actually have ancient mosquitos containing the blood of dinosaurs encased in what they thought was amber but is in fact just scalp gunk, he is very unhappy that people are aware of it and are telling people. Even though, unless I’m completely missing the point, he’s already done so himself. And on top of this, it simply can’t be true, because:

“I haven’t even been on the set yet. I also do shower. I only look at the negative stuff. I just want to know whoever’s saying negative stuff, and I just want to remember their names. I write it all down in my black book.”

Well, ignoring that last, rather unsettling remark, there you go. He does shower. Maybe he just doesn’t wash his hair in the shower. And if I got my hair to look that fantastically OTT, I’d probably think twice about washing it myself. And as for those folk he say he’s stinking up the set of the sequel, well obviously they’re liars cos he hasn’t even started shooting yet, right? Wrong.

A source told National Enquirer magazine: “Robert had just started shooting a scene when a gust of violent wind tore a heavy metal sign from a post. It shot across location so fast no one even managed to shout a warning at Robert. It hit him on the head and he dropped to the ground lying deadly still. Cast and crew ran to help.”

Now, I know that the National Enquirer isn’t always the last vestibule of honest reporting, but when they’ve got headlines like JENNIFER ANISTON EXPECTING OPRAH’S BABY, they don’t really need to make up shit about smelly b-list actors getting smacked by signs in the wind. So, what should we take away from all of this? Not a whole helluvalot, except maybe that Hollywood thinks people are stupid, because they’ve officially renamed the sequel to The Twilight Saga: New Moon, ye know, just in case that rock effs up your wireless.

March 29, 2009. Tags: , , , , , , . douch alert, funny, hollywood gossip, movies. Leave a comment.

The Twitter twat takes to sea

problemI’m pretty sure that I’ve seen far more of John Mayer than I ever intended to in this picture.  Those shorts have a bang of porn star about them and something tells me that John is entirely ok with that.  He’s obviously trying to reach a new audience via a medium other than Twitter.

Anyways, John is setting sail for a cruise to Mexico and I swear for the life of me I cannot see how he thought that that outfit would be a good idea. And to be honest if I was a person, regardless of gender, who was on board with John I would be genuinely concerned.  I bet his suitcase consists of that outfit, a pair of red and gold spandex short shorts, a chest wig and a medallion.  And lots o’ baby oil. Oh yeah!! Jennifer must be wiping the tears away with her $50,000 preened hair knowing that she can no longer get a piece of her very own Steve Guttenberg from Police Academy.

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Sexy.

March 29, 2009. Tags: , , , , , , . Uncategorized. Leave a comment.

Calvin Sure Does Love Those “Sunglasses”

Is anything Calvin has done for himself better than what he’s done for others?

Is “The Girls” better than “Dance Wiv Me”? No.

Is “Acceptable In The 80’s” better than “In My Arms”? No.

Is that reason enough to be uninterested in his upcoming solo work? No.

Is he famous enough to wear crazy sunglasses that even Beyonce and Kanye can’t get away with? No.

Do we like that he’s gone all Ibiza Trance on us? No.

Also, the video? WTF? It’s all a little too Aphex Twin-y for my likings. Little boys running scared in the snow woods plus weird trapped women dancing for the lives and decapitations and none of it makes sense. In fact, I’m not quite sure I’m awake and typing this, or if I’ve eaten alot of cheese and I cosy in my bed. Damn you, Harris!

March 28, 2009. Tags: , , , , . douch alert, funny, music. Leave a comment.

What did she just say?

We all have those moments where we say things before we really think about them.  And we all have those moments where we get overexcited and carried away with the moment.  But normally we’re not onstage in from of thousands of people staging a career comeback. 

But none of this seems to bother Britney seeing as she decided to yell “MERRY CHRISTMAS” to the crowd during her performance of “Do Somethin” at the Verizon Centre in Washington on Tuesday. And it wasn’t just what she said, it was the way she said it.  She clearly forgot some medication that day.  Though I suppose something had to take everyone’s mind off of the infamous “maay pussays hangin ouwwt”.

March 28, 2009. Tags: , , , , . funny, hollywood gossip, music, oh sweet jesus, random. Leave a comment.

I’m Not Lovin’ It

This weeks douche award goes to Mister Williams for the following display of insane douchacity.

Appearantly, while travelling with a buddy, Pharrell on a connecting flight home from Malaysia, stopped in Paris. At 6am, Pharrell tries anything to get McDonald’s to open up early. Maybe a little song and dance might do the trick. But, ye know…… It doesn’t. Cos he’s a douche.

March 25, 2009. Tags: , , , , , , . douch alert, funny, hollywood gossip, movies, music, oh sweet jesus, random. Leave a comment.

Is it a bird? Is it a plane?

No it’s a huge penis! And before thoughts of which celeb you would like to think has a huge dick enter your head (Clive Owen, Prince Harry, Dwayne Johnson, Sam Ronson) this penis could technically be classified as art!

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This masterpiece is the work old 18 year old Rory McInnes from England who watched a documentary on Google Earth and decided to grab a tin of white paint and waste 30 minutes of his life painting this ill-proportion peen on the roof of his rich-ass parent’s house.  Apparantly it’s worth $2 million.  The house I mean.  Which means he’s a middle class Living On The Edge type douche who  decided to kill a bit of time when he couldnt find his iPod Touch or Blackberry Storm or whateverthefuck.

Anyways, a helicopter pilot flew over the house, took pictures of the house of cock and contacted The Sun.  They then in turn contacted Rory’s dad who was travelling in Brazil (beginning to hate this family even more!) who called his son and lay down a bit of parental law in a conversation which, I can only assume, contained the most usage of the word “cock” in any argument ever between a father and son.  Rory agreed to wash the cock (and the tiny balls) off the roof,  and I can only hope that those photos go straight to The Sun too.

March 25, 2009. Tags: , , , , , , , , , . douch alert, funny, oh sweet jesus, random. Leave a comment.

I Want!

Normally, a fully grown straight man shouldn’t admit to wanting a collection of My Little Pony figurines. But, well, LOOK!

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Ninja Skills-o-meter: 9/10

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Disturbing-o-meter: 9/10

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Bestiality-o-meter: 9/10

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Drunk on Rum-o-meter: 9/10

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Inner Beauty-o-meter: 9/10

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Want a Hug From-o-meter: 10/10

Awesome. But mine!

March 25, 2009. Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , . funny, movies, oh sweet jesus, random. Leave a comment.

Eternal Sunshine Of The Happy Fanboys

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Second only to who is playing the lead, comic book fans will pre-decide on how good a comic book film adaptation is going to be based on the director. Christopher Nolan, Sam Raimi, Bryan Singer; good. James McTeigue, Louis Leterrier, Tim Story; bad. And more often they get it right. In the case of The Green Hornet, and it was announced that Stephen Chow (mooted for the role of sidekick Kato) and Judd Apatow had been replaced by demented genius Michel Gondry, they were very, very happy. Gondry, who directed Eternal Sunshine Of The Spotless Mind as well as some amazing music videos, is undoubtably a fantastic choice. And star/co-writer Seth Rogen certainly seemed to agree with the decision of the home-made maestro.

Me and Evan (Goldberg, co-writer) have actually approached him with ideas, like maybe… you could do some of your weird people made out of string and shit like that. He’s like, “No, I don’t want to do any of that. The fact that you think I want to do that drives me crazy and makes me never want to do anything like that again.”

Which is sad. Its sad that he wants to reign in his own genius just to suit the Hollywood money-making system, after getting all the money and kudos in the first place for creating 3-minute masterpieces for Bjork, Beck and all those other artists that love crazy/cool music videos. For christssakes, he even made Kylie cool for a little bit!

March 24, 2009. Tags: , , , , , , , , . funny, hollywood gossip, movies, music, oh sweet jesus, random. Leave a comment.

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