This picture makes me kind of nauseous. And not just cos of the explosion of every possible colour of Skittle. A new level of nausea has been discovered with the news of the finalisation of Kimora and Russell’s divorce, and more specifically, the amount of money that his little shits of kids are gonna get. Well, Ming’s ok but that Aoki needs to be put in a drawer for the next ten years till she calms the fuck down.
Kimora must be rubbing her neck in glee now that she’s getting an extra $40,000 a month, $20,000 per child, which Russell agreed to pay until the girls are 19. He also agreed to buy a car worth at least $60,000 every three years until the girls reach 16. Another part was that Kimora gets sole custody of the girls with Russell getting supervised visitation. Either he did some crazy shit that Kimora doesn’t want the girls experiencing, or else he just thinks the little brats are too annoying, just like their mommy.
There’s a few things we’ve heard today that makes us a little bit more comfortable with our own day to day lives.
In third place we have the story of John Mayer once again opening his mouth, after it’s brief closure, to spout some verbal diarrohea, this time about Britney Spears. John isn’t a fan of her song writing approach. That’s rich coming from a guy who’s just back to his job of song writing ONE day! John seems to have the subject matter of her songs summed up: “Because it’s all about, ‘I’m going out tonight, but nobody look at me. “I’ve never met her and I’m not coming down on her, but all of the songs are sort of like, ‘I’m getting all my girls together, we’re gonna go out’ and ‘I’ve got holes cut out for bleep, I got flashlights on me.’ “And then it’s like, ‘Why’s everybody looking at me? ‘Everybody’s looking at me’ because oh, did you hear verse two, Britney?” Seems to me like Mayer jumped on the “comment on Britney’s comeback” train about six months late. Give him another six months and he’ll comment on Rihanna.
Second, we have the findings of a study that show that the hours people spend with their Brain Training game for DS are pretty much a total waste of time. Brilliant. So for anyone who has ever had Dr. Kawashima make them feel like shit when they do their first brain age check and get 72, or when you haven’t played it for a few days and he gives out to you, or even for those sick puppies who are overjoyed when he remembers your birthday, YOUR LIFE IS BEING WASTED!
And our favourite of the day:
Of course it has to be Kanye. He just does not know when enough is enough in the “it’s all about me” thing. The man recently caused havoc at London Fashion Week, forgetting that, despite his apparant love of fashion, the whole thing IS actually about the designers and their fashion and not him. He turned up late for the Christopher Kane fashion show, so late in fact that he just about caught the models finale walk, and was horrified to discover his front row seat was gone. So he decided to make the pr people cry over it. Which they did. Maybe they should’ve taken a leaf from our new favourite person’s book. Kanye turned up on time for a show the next morning, only problem was he hadn’t RSVP’d. So of course he started to kick up shit but he met the wrong person (or in our minds the RIGHT person) in the host of the show who lost the plot with him, screamed at him and put him and his latest accessory girlfriend back in their neon coloured box. If only we could’ve seen that one.
It’s true people. Sean Penn gets a surprise new boost in our minds seeing as he seems to share our hatred for all things Vadge, or at least according to The Sun he does. Apparantly Madonna creeped over to her ex-plaything Sean at an after party to say hello and congrats on the excellent everything in Milk. Well it would seem that Seany boy is still harbouring years of pure raw hatred for her (hatred which is pretty evident from this photo!), cos his response was “Thanks. Another kid already?”
The man is a genius.
It was all going so very, very well. And then in the space of 24 hours Ciara had to go and eff up my chi. I was love love loving Echo with Young Jeezy, Go Girl with T-Pain, Work with Missy Elliott, Fantasy Ride with Ludacris and Turntables (even though that last one does feature current villian Chris Brown). She was getting all of these awesome dancefloor stompers and awesome rappers and singers on these songs with her. And then, this happened:
The song is called Love Sex Magic. The song features singing and production by none other than Justin Timberlake. So why is it I don’t love love love this song like all those before it? I think because it actually sounds very, very bland and boring and will make me walk off the dancefloor if it comes on. It sounds like a shitty mid-90’s song sung by Eternal or En Vogue. Okay, so that was a no-no. But I was willing to shake it off. And then……
This man is a menace. He already brought Kelis’ career to a screeching halt, he knocked Whitney out onto a tailspin just when she was starting to get her shit together. He needs to be stopped. I’ve listened to this song once all of the way through and vowed never to do it again even if under threat of torture. As nothing could be more painful than listening to Enrique bore me to death with a song that even Ricky Martin would think twice about unleashing.
Ciara, there is a HUGE gap in the market now for you, what with Brit’s comeback not so great, Aguilera off experimenting with Goldfrapp, Milian still trying to get a catchy song, nobody knows yet how to feel about Alexandra Burke or Leona Lewis, and Mariah, Whitney and Janet all off in cuccoo land…… So stow the crap and start releasing some good singles already. Or before you know it, Rihanna will have a released a single called “Got Beat Up But I’m Fine Now” and it stays at number one longer than Umbrella did.
This is the just released trailer for Season 5 Season 4 flogging a dead horse “Bonus Episodes”, and by golly, are they drenched in dramatics.
Aside from the reunion of Heidi and Lauren, Spencer going ape-shit on some randomer who doesn’t condone infidelity (“Nah it’s real Dawg, you just gah in mah bizness”), the rekindling bromance of Spencer and Brody, not to mention Defcon 1 that is Spencer and Heidi, I just have two things to say.
Firstly, that skanky flirt bargirl? “You just have to pour sugar on my all day.” WTF does that even mean? Anyone? I’m assuming she doesn’t mean it literally, or she would be one sticky skank, but if she doesn’t mean it literally, I can’t imagine what she meant figurativelly. Any ideas? All I can come up with is either cocaine or something much, much dirtier.
And secondly, the mystic tarot-card reader at the start. If I were Lauren, I would be freaking out that she got most of my life almost spot on. No, wait, let me re-phrase that. If I were Lauren, I would be freaking out that she got most of my life almost spot on…… If it wasn’t for the fact that these life details she read can be read in just about any gossip magazine the world over, not to mention the fact that they’re on constant repeat on MTV One and MTV-R.
Its the equivalent of Britney going to see her and being told “Ooooh…… You have had a hard life. You used to be loved by everyone, and then you had some difficult times, but then you had a comeback and everyone loved you again, but then everyone realised you actually weren’t all that great to begin with……”
Seriously? Handbag hats?
That is all.
In a classic case of wanting something only when we can’t have it, Hugh Heffner has offered Kate Winslett a cover shoot for Playboy Magazine, as well as a nude photo spread (ahem) inside, less than a week after the recent Oscar winner has vowed never to go nude in a movie again.
Having gone topless in not only The Reader, but also Little Children, Iris, Jude and Titanic to name but a few, Kate recently announced: “I don’t want to be known as that actress who gets her kit off.” I personally wouldn’t think that after over half a dozen semi-naked roles is a good time to start complaining about being typecast as a crazy naked lady in “worthy” movies, but then that’s just me. It took Kate six attempts that getting naked will get you an nomination, but getting naked while being an illiterate Nazi will bring you home the gold.
Hugh Heffner, now 82 and still going strong, said: “There’s no question we would be interested in Kate. It’s a competitive market, more than it used to be, so she would be a most welcome addition in our pages.” If she did do the shoot, she would join the ranks of fellow actresses Marilyn Monroe, Oscar-nommed Sharon Stone and Oscar-winner Charlize Theron. Not to mention Pamela Anderson. Who’s looking great, by the way.
Audrina’s been robbed, and not just of her shot at being “Most Likeable” (Lauren), “Biggest Success” (Whitney) or “Biggest Whore” (Heidi) of The Hills series. Her actual house was robbed yesterday. *Weep*
On her blog, Audrina says “I spent most of the morning filling out police reports and going through the house room by room making lists of everything that had been taken. Most of the items are replaceable, but they took off with a few very sentimental things too. Definitely not a good way to start the week.”
Now I quite like Audrina, so I’m not gonna go about bashing her but this really has the sniff of a leaked sex tape to me. It’s like the first of three announcements that are like:
1. My house has been robbed and belongings taken,
2. Some personal embarrassing items are still missing and
3. My sex tape is all over the internet and I’m upset but also slightly wealthier.
I’m just saying is all.
Yet another involuntary celebrity product endorsement story for today! Kate may well be replacing the Diet Coke in this ad for a cheap and cheerful Pot Noodle if Pot Noodle Flavour Development Manager Grahame Walker has his way.
The classy lady was attending Elton John’s Oscar party and was quoted as saying that she “hoping for a Pot Noodle and a cup of tea.” Well it would seem that this got the brains of Pot Noodle thinking about a Beckinsale inspired noodle snack and their suggestion so far seems to be Steak & Beckinsale. Graham has some more words of wisdom for us to explain this taste sensation: “Steak & Beckinsale is just like Kate – classically British and a tasty little number.”
I’m sure they’ll be hoping for some high Beckin-SALES (ahem) for that particular Pot Noodle.
I’d imagine that Kanye does everything with the CAPS key permanently on and since he’s a 24/7 blogger/fashion seeker he probably doesn’t get time to underscore poor old Amber Rose. Not that he wants to anyway cos he’s too busy associating with gay people and then blogging about how cool and special that makes him. He has no love left for anyone but himself! Poor Amber Rose.
I’m sure a lot of her time will be spent on the phone asking “where are you yeezy?!”