Sex. Jeans. Sex in jeans.

This is the controversial new ad for Calvin Klein jeans that’ll debut on our tv’s late tonight. In America they’ve censored it. BOO!

Basically the ad involves hot young things, greasy grease and a whole lot of random writhing. I said WRITHING! You can just see the concept in that particular meeting: “Ok so it’s focus. sex. out of focus. jeans. greasy skin. jeans. sex. out of focus. Sex. Orgy. Jeans. Greasy sex jeans orgy”

Nice to see Calvin back to the controversial ads again like his ad two decades ago when the then teen actress, Brooke Shields, posed in nothing but a pair of Calvin Klein jeans, telling us that “Nothing comes between me and my Calvins”. Now off for my very own jeans orgy grease fest with hot eastern european models….

January 30, 2009. Tags: , , , , , . random, tv. Leave a comment.

Douche-tache

Pete Wentz is becoming genuinely weird now. Maybe Ashlee, like Katie Holmes, is trapped and begging for freedom. Maybe her ever-changin hair colour is some kind of secret code we have yet to decipher.

Following on from the furry boot fiasco, Pete is now rocking the hairy face look.

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Apparantly he thinks is one of his greatest ideas ever, and is trying to bring back the “hilarious” mullet hairy face look. Now I’m not suggesting that  this is an elaborate ploy to make people forget his “Yeah I’m a Fag” cover for Out Magazine, or that the only reason he gave for not being a full blown gay was “I’m not a fan of penises” , but I do think that Petey is channelling the spirit of Jack Twist from Brokeback with his new look.

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Which is probably appropriate.

January 30, 2009. Tags: , , , , , . douch alert, funny, movies, music, oh sweet jesus. Leave a comment.

Ashton’s become “that guy”

Ashton Kutcher has been, ahem, keeping a low profile lately, at least in comparison to his I’m EVERYWHERE phase, and so it’s funny to see that he’s become the guy with the wife living in the suburbs complaining about his neighbours.

He has some choice words for his neighbour who was, apparantly legally, engaging in some early morning construction work and that is just a no go for young Ashton. He needs his beauty sleep god damn it! Anyway, he ended up making an apology video which all seems a bit ridiculous as surely he could’ve said it face to face but whatever. He was probably afraid that the guy would hammer his ass.

The neighbour wasn’t too impressed with Ashton’s internet tantrum especially since he apparantly endured similar noise when Casa de Kutcher was being built.

Aren’t celebrity internet rants just the best?

January 30, 2009. Tags: , , , . Uncategorized. Leave a comment.

Milk Was A Bad Choice

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Gerald Posner, an investigative journalist and sometimes book author and Hollywood Gossip tattle-tail had this following snippet of information to share:

On December 28, a Los Angeles entertainment honcho shared a text message with me that Rourke had sent him: “Look seans an old friend of mine and i didnt buy his performance at all—thought he did an average pretend acting like he was gay besides hes one of the most homophobic people i know.”

Even if Sean Penn is homphobic (and how avid a homophobe can he be if he goes around macking on the likes of James Franco, Diego Luna and others for long takes on end), what does that have to do with who he can and can’t play? If you’re playing a homosexual, does he have to love homosexuals?? Following on from that logic, Frank Langhella should be all for extremist right-wing presidential conspirators, Richard Jenkins should be a huge fan of illegal immigrants and Brad Pitt should be aging backwards. Not to mention that Mickey Rourke himself should be all about the real wrestling circuit.

What’s that? Oh……

“The boys from the WWE called me and asked me to do it,” Rourke told Access Hollywood. “I said, ‘I want to.’ I’m talking with [WWE legend] Rowdy Roddy Piper about it.” […] And when he does jump into the ring with WWE, it appears the actor may already have his sights set on an opponent. “Chris Jericho, you better get in shape,” Rourke added. “Because I’m coming after your a**.”

I don’t know about you, but when a guy who wears flaunty ties and carries a chihuahua everywhere tells me “I’m coming after your ass”, I tend to get worried for a variety of reasons.

 

FILM-VENICE/

January 29, 2009. Tags: , , , , , , , . funny, hollywood gossip, movies. Leave a comment.

No more tombs for Angie, she’s all about wombs

It’s been announced that there WILL be a Tomb Raider 3 released and it’s to get a big overhaul (which we can only assume means sexy boost) which means ditching Angie and looking for someone else. If someone said this a few years ago, men (and women too probably) everywhere would’ve shed tears of confused sexual outrage from every pore. But that was before she went all “woman on the edge/credible actress/mother to all” on us.

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But now as Angie has moved on to more challenging roles (yawn) we find that we actually couldn’t care less because we now have the uber sexy Megan Fox to look at/lust after/wish we could be her.

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I’m sure Angie will make a statement saying she didnt want to raid any more tombs anyway but that’s irrelevant. We want Megan now so fook off!

January 29, 2009. Tags: , , , , , . hollywood gossip, movies. Leave a comment.

Veggies get more meat

Or so they’d have us believe. This is an ad for Peta that was bannedfrom US tv basically because it shows too many semi-naked models getting their kicks from various vegetables. Even asparagus. ASPARAGUS FOR CRYING OUT LOUD. Anyway, here it is:

God damn Peta need to give up their whole controversial buzz, it’s old now.  I mean theyve basically done everything they can do to be controversial and all theyre doing is giving the rest of us such  a face pain that the only cure we crave is a nice bit of meat. And whilst I am totally against animal cruelty, I’m not interested in Peta anymore, they’ve crossed the line so many times that soon Kanye West will be bigging them up in his daily blog. 

They claim that veggies have better sex than us carnivorous murdering cave dwellers but seriously. If your diet was based around beans and tofu I’m sure you’d have better sex too. Cos your sexual fantasies would be full of thoughts of a nice quarter pounder.

January 29, 2009. Tags: , , , , . oh sweet jesus, random, tv. 1 comment.

Who Would? Evan Rachel Wood!

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There’s no getting around the fact that Evan Rachel Wood used to be a hottie, but slowly but surely handpicked all of the famous Hollywood men that, once they touched her, all other men in the world would find her repulsive. We all know that she was Marilyn Manson’s leather set squeeze for years, but before that there was this juicy nugget released by The New York Post:

“Which Hollywood hellcat supposedly has a sick sexual fetish for something called the ‘Donkey Punch?’ The starlet was having sex with a much-older boyfriend a while back and begged her shocked bedmate to ‘hit me in the face’ at the peak of their passionate lovemaking.”

In a Richard Gere/Ass Gerbil rumour, it spread that this story was about Wood (then 18, only) and Edward Norton (then 36), but at the time it could’ve been discounted as mere hearsay, but in the light of her current trend with men, I’d say its 1,000% true. And now, in one of those non-sensically making us sick scenarios, she’s going out with her dad, so says Fox News:

“According to spies, the actress went upstairs with Mickey Rourke when he suddenly grabbed her for a lip-lock in the outside area of the swanky five-star hotel. The duo have been romantically linked since she played his daughter in The Wrestler, although Wood always denied that they were anything more than friends.”

Gross. What’s wrong with this girl? She played a crazy teenager in Thirteen a few years ago, but I’m beginning to think that wasn’t a film, it was merely a documentary that she wasn’t aware she was in at the time.

January 28, 2009. Tags: , , , , , , , , , , . funny, hollywood gossip, movies, music, oh sweet jesus, random. 1 comment.

Well, Its About Time!

I was only thinking to myself the other day “What fantastic, classic, multi-Oscar winning, constantly on Greatest Films Of All Time polls and lists movie has yet to be hacked and malformed into a modern re-imagining?”, and then it occured to me:

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That’s right. Bonnie And Clyde is all set for a Noughties make over! Isn’t that great news? But who did they get to play the eponymous anti-heroes?? Would anyone be able to out-act Beyonce and Jay-Z? I doubt it, but there’s still hope in the world! Anyways, lets start with Bonnie:

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Hilary Duff? Well, she did have an album called Most Wanted, so I guess this is….. Actually, you know what? No. This isn’t good enough. She is in no way a threatening looking or acting person, so when I see her on screen blowing people away with her rat-a-tat tommygun, I’m gonna be rolling in the aisles attempting to stop my sides from splitting. Also, she has a Greatest Hits album out??? I didn’t even know she had more than one album out! But appearantly, she did. I didn’t think, she’s released enough singles to warrant (heh) a greatest hits album. And at least on that point, I’m kinda right, cos on the album, there are two new songs, four remixes of old songs, and those two new songs also have a remix each of their own. Worthy.

And now, on to Clyde:

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Despite looking too much like Zac Efron to ever really have a career of his own, I didn’t really have anything against Kevin Zegers until today. And then today happened, and I read they’re casting him in this remake, which was bad enough, but then I had to go Google-ing for a picture of him, and everything took a distinct turn for the worse.

I had to double and then triple check that I hadn’t accidentally typed “Gay Porn” into the Google Image Search. I won’t expose you to the infinite pics of topless Kev with his jeans pulled down so low that the difference between “barely dressed” and “public indecent exposure” is marked by millimeters, but I do have to make note of this picture:

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This picture was taken in 1998. Kevin Zeger was 14 years old. Why is he topless and seemingly in half of a fireman’s costume but also maybe holding a hockey stick?? Can someone explain to me how this is okay to exist???

January 28, 2009. Tags: , , , , , . funny, hollywood gossip, movies, oh sweet jesus, random. Leave a comment.

Matt Damon is mad! *Grrrrrr*

Matt Damon has thrown a big crazy ass tantrum to remind people that he still exists and, once again, the James Bond films have felt his wrath. Granted Matt Damon wrath isn’t anywhere near as intimidating as Jason Bourne wrath would be but anyways.

He describes Bond as “ repulsive. Bond is an imperialist, misogynist, sociopath who goes around bedding women and swilling martinis and killing people. The movies have a formula, they stick to it, and it makes them a lot of money. They know what they are doing and they’re going to keep doing it.”

Congratulations Matt , you’ve exposed the best kept Hollywood secret of all time.  And I seem to recall that for a man hellbent on revenge with a bad dose of amnesia, Bourne still managed to fit in some sex along the way as well.

I think the real problem is that Matt looks like this:

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While Daniel Craig/Bond looks like this:

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And while I wouldnt dispute that Bourne would kick Bond’s ass, I think Matt needs to remember that Bourne shot itself in the foot by calling the last one in the trilogy “Ultimatum”.  What possible title could they give another one? “Bourne – Reoccurrence“?

January 28, 2009. Tags: , , , . douch alert, hollywood gossip, movies. Leave a comment.

Life is hard for Brody ok? Jeez!

83598480BG016_2008_VictoriaI like Brody Jenner. He stirred shit in The Hills and then disappeared again and then he had that uber-gay concept for his own show that’s finding him a new bro.

In an interview with The Associated Press, Brody discusses things like his new bro and whether or not they’ll actually hang out to which he replied “Absolutely. It actually sucks because I can’t hang out with him right now while the show is airing because then people will know who I picked.” So already they’re not hanging out. Convenient.

When he was asked how he felt about Spence he basically seems to still like the guy (I didnt think there was anyone left!) : “Me and Spencer are cool. We’ll never be the kind of friends that we were but we are still friends. I still consider him a close friend. I’m not the kind of person that holds grudges, so I’ll always keep a place in my heart for Spencer.” They’re still close friends? So what’s with the “walking out” when he arrives somewhere to surprise everyone, evil genius that he is? Damn you Jenner does everyone besides Lauren play a game on The Hills? Seriously she cries everyone episode, someone needs to tell the poor girl that her friends are paid actors.

But my FAVOURITE part of the whole interview is where he reveals the hardest day of his life, the thing that shook him so that he’s stayed on the straight and narrow. A DUI when he was 17. He says It was probably the worst thing that’s ever happened to me in my entire life but at the same time the best. … I learned to be positive: Always try to find a way to spin the positive; celebrate while you’re alive; don’t hold grudges, have drama; smile and appreciate life

Brody you werent almost run over by a Brazilian carnival as a child. You weren’t involved in some kind of kidnap situation. Lighten up!

January 28, 2009. Tags: , , , , , , , . hollywood gossip, the hills, tv. Leave a comment.

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